The ONE thing you must know, to tell powerful stories (1/5 in the story series)
The night that the doctor told us my granny was dying, my mum and I lay mattresses down on the floor of her room.
We wanted to be near her. For practical reasons, so that we’d be there if she woke up and needed us. But also for primal ones. We’re Russian. We have a strong herd instinct. It was the end, and we needed to be close. So we lay our mattresses down to sleep.
Except – I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking, “What if …
How to Combat Facebook Envy (and Save Lives)
We all walk around, all day every day, thinking that everyone else has their sh-t together.
We all think that everyone else has a normal background, and normal parents, and a normal, successful career and successful relationships.
Then we get on Facebook and it compounds it. “This person’s getting married!” “That person has a happy family with kids!” “this person doesn’t have kids and so they went on vacation to Costa Rica!” “That person’s making six figures in her business!” – and it just COMPOUNDS that feeling of, “Everyone else has their sh-t together but me”.
That feeling is shame. And what shame does, is builds this metal fortress around you, cutting you off from everyone else.
But then, someone…
What REALLY happens when you disable your Facebook account
“A year ago, I shut down my Facebook account.” One of the things my clients often worry about, is that their story is not exciting enough to be told. They believe that, for anyone to want to keep reading or listening, there has to be HIGH DRAMA – life-threatening illnesses, helicopter chases and/or bears. My…
The one (fun!) thing you MUST do to become an excellent storyteller
It’s very important to understand THIS about the culture of the London Underground:
It’s not just that the passengers don’t talk to each other.
It’s that they don’t communicate IN ANY WAY.
Even when you’re smushed right up against your neighbour, your head jammed into the gap between their face and neck, the custom in London is to do everything you possibly can to act as if you are the sole occupant of that subway carriage. Casually check your phone. Read your book, even though it’s three inches from your eyes. Listen to your music on full volume, the tinny sounds trinkling out of your headphones. It’s surreal. But it’s What We Do.
On this particular morning, I had a seat – one of the advantages of living quite far from the centre. I had my headphones on, but there was no music, and the voice that I was listening to was quiet and calm – which made it even easier for everyone around me to imagine that I wasn’t there.
Suddenly, I gasped – and with the sharp in-breath, a loud, high-pitched noise escaped from my mouth before I clapped both hands over it.
Everyone in the carriage – EVERYONE – jerked their heads to look at me…
V quick tip to avoid p*ssing off someone who just helped you out
A move keeps being made by people I’ve just favours for, that makes me want to stop doing them favours.
Running True Stories Told Live, my live storytelling show, I get a lot of requests to be put in touch with this person and that person. Because I <3 getting people tell their stories, I help these people out. I give them email introductions - and what happens next, is what almost always happens, and what REALLY annoys me: I get sucked into the email chain between these two people. Here is a very quick and classy way to get around that:
When I tell this story, it feels like ACTUAL Time Travel
Sitting in the packed room, I was trembling with nerves – and excitement. I’d been daydreaming about doing this for almost a year – and now it was actually happening!
After obsessively listening to every Moth story I could get my hands on, I’d spent months wondering what my story would be, if I ever told one on stage. At the time, this seemed like some kind of magical dream that might never happen – after all, The Moth was a show in New York; I lived in London. But I love a daydream, and so I continued to wonder. And figured it would most likely be something to do with my (very eccentric, mostly Russian) family.
I then discovered True Stories Told Live – a London show, inspired by the Moth, that had offshoots in other cities. I was a monthly attendee and massive fan and, after they’d seen me at every show, they’d ask me to tell my own story onstage.
There I was, about to finally do it. And when I did – telling the story you’re about to hear – I had the strangest feeling…
Feeling called to do something inconvenient or scary? This one’s for you!
You know what it’s like:
You get offered an opportunity. Maybe it’s something big, like telling your story onstage. Maybe it’s something more personal, like having an awesome friend come to visit. You know you should do it. You know you kind of want to do it. But at the same time… it requires effort, and inconvenience.
Here’s why I think you should always say yes…
15 Things I Learned From Moving Across An Ocean In My Thirties
Five years ago tomorrow, wildly in love and ready to leave London, I picked up my stuffed suitcase, and got on a plane, to move to Toronto.
While the romance didn’t last forever, we managed to spin our love into a best friendship (thank you, two years of couples therapy – worth every penny) and, as well as that, I’m left with profound, parental love for my ex’s kid, and unbridled devotion to this city, which feels absolutely like my home. I can’t imagine EVER wanting to leave.
So, in honour of my FIVE YEAR CANADAVERSARY, here are 15 things I learned:
(1) It’s hard. Like, really, really hard
When I was moving, so many people I told said, “You’re so brave!” and I would reply, “No I’m not! If I don’t like it, I’ll just come back!”. What I didn’t anticipate was that it would be really hard and I would still want to stay. About six months in, once the honeymoon period (“Wow! I really did leave all my problems in London!!!!”) wore off, I suddenly realised, “Oh. THIS is what they were talking about….”
(2) The hardness last about a total of two years, tapering at the end
From talking to a lot of other people, it seems this length of time is mostly universal. Putting this out there in case you’re thinking of moving somewhere.
(3) The things that you find hard aren’t the ones you’d expect to
Yes, I missed my mum and my friends, and change can be difficult. But what was hardest were the little things. Like knowing…
You’re supposed to use it for your bum. Not for THIS.
“Perfect timing!” my mum cried, as I climbed back in the car, and shook my head at her.
We’d just spent 10 days in Thailand, babysitting my tiny niece, while my brother and his wife were away. I was leaving a few days before they got back, and had just checked in my bags at the airport. An airport, which is very close to a beach.
My mum – ever the maximiser, and the rule-breaker – had suggested that, having dropped off my suitcase, we jump back in the car, drive to the sea, and I have a quick, last swim, before I get on the plane.
I really like airports, and LOVE sitting around by myself, reading while waiting for a plane. But… once my mum gets what she thinks is a great idea in her head for something fun to do, if you don’t have a really good reason, it’s hard to dissuade her. So I was going for a quick, last swim, before I got on the plane.
Pulling up at the beach, I grabbed a towel, kicked off my flip-flops and, with my swimmers on underneath, pulled off my dress. Leaving my niece with my mum on the sand, as I clambered into the waves and shouted over my shoulder, “I’ll just plough up and down for five minutes!”
It wasn’t very deep, but the water was rough, so I stayed in the shallows. I figured I’d do a bit of breast-stroke, in one direction and then back, and keep my hair relatively dry before I got on the air conditioned plane for the 15 hour journey back to London. Just as I was thinking of wading back out –
THUNK-SWSH!
– a huge wave picked me up, and chucked me under the water.
My favourite story I’ve ever coached. It’ll make you cry.
“Love is like an envelope around a letter. It offers protection.”
When I tell people that my job is to help them tell their stories, I often hear, “But I don’t have any good stories! I’ve never had anything that exciting happen to me!”. I always reply that my favourite stories – like the one you’re going to hear today – aren’t
