Not Getting A Response From Someone? This Might Be The Issue

Emma rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry,” she told me, “She’s ALWAYS like this.”

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” I asked. Emma was in charge, and I was too new to say what I was really thinking: that this woman was going to be isolated from the group.

“We’re not legally allowed to help her put it back in. So: no.” 

I went and sat back down at the table next to Sandra. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head and pointing at her hearing aid. I mouthed the words as much as I could, “We can’t put it back in”.

She wrunkled her forehead. I looked around and saw the printer. Grabbing a sheet of paper from the tray and a pen, I wrote out

WE’RE NOT ALLOWED TO HELP YOU PUT THE HEARING AID IN. I’M SORRY.

“Can’t hear a damn thing.” She growled. “No point in me even being here.”

It was my first day volunteering at the day centre for seniors with dementia.
For people who still live at home, it’s kind of like a daycare to relieve their full-time caregivers. We send a bus to pick them up in the morning. Give them a snack and lunch, do activities, then take them all home in the afternoon.

“Ok, everybody!” Emma chirped. “Time to come and join us for ‘News of the Day’ and exercises!”

I picked up the pen and paper again.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO AND SIT IN THE CIRCLE FOR EXERCISES?

Sandra scowled. “No. No point. Just gonna stay here”. She picked up the newspaper.

Even though I wanted to join in with everyone, I decided to sit with Sandra.

Being the sole person who’s opted out is one thing. But if someone else is not joining in alongside you, it feels quite a lot less lonely.

We sat in silence reading the Metro, me occasionally pointing at articles. Sandra’s response was to press her lips together and raise her eyebrows. Polite, but kind of annoyed.

I pushed on. On page 13, there was a photo of a new baby polar bear, from some zoo somewhere. I showed it to her. She smiled. YES. Something.

As the day moved on, I stayed with Sandra and wrote her little notes.

HOW’S YOUR LUNCH?

WARM TODAY, ISN’T IT?

It was hard to tell whether I was being companionable or just annoying.

After I helped clear up the lunch things, Emma announced that it was time for bingo. I grabbed my pen and paper.

BINGO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY?

Sandra scrunched up her face and shook her head, “I don’t think so”.

I thought for a moment.

HOW ABOUT I PLAY AND YOU JUST HELP ME? 

She shrugged. I got a card and a bunch of poker chips (to cover the numbers with) and put them on the table, halfway between the two of us.

As Emma announced we were going for full card and started calling the numbers out, I wrote each one down on my scrap of paper and showed it to Sandra. At first, she just did the raising eyebrows/pressing lips thing.

We started quite well; five numbers covered up of the first seven. She got interested.

Then, instead of covering the numbers, I started pointing out to her when we got one, so she could cover them herself.

Suddenly, she was INTO it. The numbers were coming fast and I had to keep up with writing each one down.

B4

N32

G55

In between, I tried to write encouraging messages.

OVER HALF THE CARD COVERED!

LOOKING GOOD!

As she got four in a row,

YOU’RE ON FIRE!!

She was super-focused now, new chip ready in hand, looking at the paper as I scribbled the numbers down.

Then, I noticed something:

ONLY THREE MORE NUMBERS TO GO!

Then

ONLY TWO MORE!

Then

ALMOST THERE!!! ONE MORE!!!

Emma called out the next number: O63! The one we had left!

Beside myself, I screamed out, “Bingo! BINGO!!!!!!!!!”

Everyone looked over and started cheering.

Suddenly I realised – I’d forgotten to tell Sandra! She had no idea! I quickly scrawled,

O63!!!!

and shoved the paper under her nose. She covered up the last number, and I wrote

BINGO!! YOU WON!!!!! 

She looked so pleased! SO pleased! It was like I was looking at a different person!

Everybody clapped and she bashfully smiled. We brought over the prize box and she got to pick something out – a little picture frame.

It was a great day. 

What can you take from this?

Two things:

(1) When it comes to engaging people, don’t fall at the first hurdle.

If you’re trying to catch the attention of a big-shot, you emailed them and got no response – don’t think that it’s all over. Maybe it’s just not their medium. Maybe they were just busy. If you really think you have something to offer them, perservere. Most people DO NOT do this, so it will make you stand out.

When it comes to getting busy people’s attention,
don’t fall at the first hurdle

(TWEET THIS HERE)

Important side note: be reasonable. No more than one email every two weeks.

(2) Meet people where they are

What you find the easiest way to engage and communicate with someone may not be universal.

If you’ve tweeted your hero only to get nothing in response – maybe that’s just not their medium. Send them an email. Even better – send them a little card in the mail. People LOVE real mail.

(To find their address, google is your friend. Or if they have a mailing list you can sign up for, they legally have to put a mailing address on that)

Your way isn’t always the best way.
Meet people where they are.

(TWEET THIS HERE)

Over to you

Is there anyone you’ve tried to connect or engage with that you’ve come up cold? Maybe we can have a little brainstorm about what your next step should be, as you now peservere! Let me know that – or just any thoughts you have – in the comments below.

Thanks so much for reading. If you can think of anyone else who’d enjoy this story – maybe someone who loves seniors as much as I do; or just a really big bingo fan – then it would be lovely if you could share it with them, using one of the buttons below.

You rule,

xx (Yes Yes) Marsha

PS want to know my best-ever client secret – and get even more advice, tips, plus stories that I won’t put on the internet? Come and join the Yes Yes Family – it’s free! Just pop your details in below:

Photo credits: TheRealDavidFrancis, Annie Mole, L. Bird and Kyrre Gjerstad  all via Compfight cc

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