I’m on a zoom call, looking at the man with a big smile and blue glasses, feeling the familiar buzzing in the pit of my belly, when he says something and I’m like,
“Wait, WHAT? Why aren’t we talking more about that?”
I get that fizzy feeling in my stomach every time I’m on a call with a client whose talk I’m *really* excited about. It ramps up when the client — like this one, Tony — is doing a TEDx, because of the possibility of this idea spreading out into the world. Tony’s talk is about an experiment he did that changed his life — to have a conversation with a stranger every day for a year. The idea is great. The sentiment is great. But I knew his opening story, about a conversation with a stranger that changed his life, was missing something: a reason to make us REALLY care about it. I ask him for more context, and he says,
“Oh, I was actually coming out of a DEEP depression then…”
So I asked, “wait, WHAT? Why aren’t we talking more about that?”
And he says, “Well… it seems like kind of a downer. I want this talk to be positive.”
Which is a completely reasonable response but OOOOOOOH I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!! Which I shared with Tony then and will share with you now.
Why you should tell sad and depressing stories in your presentations and keynotes
1) It shows us what the stakes are
If you say, “I was doing pretty well and then I started doing even better,” we’ll just be like, “Um…. good for you, I guess?”
But if you say, “I was deep in depression, even the fact that I’d managed to leave the house that day was a miracle. Then I had a conversation that suddenly made everything in my life infinitely better” — THAT’S drama. NOW we care.
Tell us what the stakes were and we’ll know how to feel when something big happens.
2) You become more relatable, so we’re more likely to buy into what you’re suggesting
When we’re being taught to try something we’re not already doing, it’s intimidating. We can feel like, “Well, it’s ok for you, perfect person who’s brave and can do whatever they want to without fear, but I’m not LIKE you.”
When you tell a story about how bad things were, we think, “Well, things aren’t even that bad for me… so if that version of you could do it, maybe I can too!”
When I run workshops or deliver keynotes on storytelling and get to the credibility part (where I’m answering the implicit question, ‘who the heck am I to teach this stuff??’), I always make a point of telling them a story about how I used to go on and on and on in my stories and annoy all my friends, before I became a radio DJ and had to learn to edit. Because I want anyone in the audience who thinks, “Oh, my stories are boring, this won’t work for me” to then think, “Oh wait, my stories aren’t that boring… maybe I can learn this!!”
Also, you know those people in your life where you ask, “How’s it going?” and they’re like, “OMG AMAZING! Just got promoted at work… my and my partner are doing great, we never have the same stupid fight over and over again… and my kids always do what I ask them, it’s so cute!!!”? We don’t like those people. Imperfection is relatable. And, inevitably, sad and depressing stories convey imperfection.
Finally, my favourite point (and the one most borne true by Tony’s subsequent experience, as I’ll explain)
3. It’s REAL
Most of us are trying hard on social media to present ourselves as perfect, which only exacerbates this ABSURD notion that the state of being happy ALL THE TIME FOREVER is attainable.
It is not. And any time someone admits that in a position of authority (like, from the stage, or from the front of the room), we all relax a little. We all feel a little better about who we are, just as we are right now.
Tony took my advice and included the context of his deep depression in his TEDx (which i PROMISE I’ll share when it’s up!). He also started including it in his other keynotes and presentations… and was shocked by the results.
Again and again people keep coming up to him afterwards. Some say, “Thank you for making me feel less alone in having experienced that.”
Some say, “I was worried about my friend who was depressed. But now I’ve seen that you can survive it, it gives me hope that she can too.”
Many people tell him some version of, “Thank you for talking about this. There’s so much shame around it that no one else does. You’re making a difference.”
One very **IMPORTANT POINT**:
if this is a talk you’re using for work (a keynote, TEDx or work presentation), we likely will need salvation. I’m not saying your story has to end with “and then EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND PERFECT FOREVER.” I just mean that, if you were in a bad place, we need to know you’re ok now.
Related: always write from the scar not the wound. If you can’t tell your friends this story without there being a charge in your body, you might not yet be ready to take that story to the stage.
But if you are? Your talk will be more engaging, more convincing and much more likely to make a difference.
So now, a question: what dark thing have you seen someone talking about that made a difference to you? Let me know in the comments below!
And if you know someone else who’s working on one, please share this blog using one of the round buttons below. You could be multiplying the impact their talk makes!
You rule!
xx (Yes Yes) Marsha
PS if you have a keynote or presentation you want to write or improve — or you work somewhere that you’d like me to come and run a workshop — let’s chat. Here:
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