My FAVOURITE EVER piece of advice

I wave at the receptionist then push my way through the giant glass doors of our building, out into Leicester Square, and think,

Did that just HAPPEN????

I’m 30 years old and I’ve spent seven years doing what is almost my ideal job. Almost.

I’d wanted to be a radio DJ for as long as I could remember; amazingly, I’ve managed it… sort of. After a few years in the business, I’d landed a job at my dream place — an indie radio station called Xfm. And while people who aren’t in radio assume I am wildly successful, I know that I haven’t “made it”-made it. Because to make it-make it means having a regular show on weekday daytime. I have only ever been on late night or weekends.

Having a meeting with one of my mentors earlier that week, he says, “You know what, you should go and talk to Keith Pringle. I feel like you two would get on!”

I am surprised and kind of delighted. Keith Pringle is the boss of our sister station Capital Radio. Capital isn’t just London’s biggest pop radio station, it is legendary, the station we all listened to as kids. I can still sing you most of the jingles — “Ninety five point eight! Capital, effffff eeeehhhhhhm!” “Pat! Sharp! Woo! Woo!” “Doctor Doctor! EFF! Doctor Doctor! OH! Doctor Doctor! EX! Doctor Doctor! FOX! Di-ni-ni-niiwwwwwww!!”

It also has a breakfast show hosted by Johnny Vaughan, a former TV presenter who is one of the funniest and most famous men in the country. Capital Radio is a HUGE deal. And, it turns out, my mentor is right: Keith and I get on a treat. He tells me about how they’re in the process of auditioning to find the new co-host for the breakfast show. I know that lady who’d been doing it has left, and I also know the rumour that she was on £100,000 a year (translate that into today’s money and USD and it’s around $215,000). A YEAR.

Then Keith says, “You know what, YOU should audition.”

!!!!!!

The next day, I do — I sit in a spare studio with someone who’s pretending to be Johnny, we have some banter, I try and be perky and passionate and a bit mischievous.

Then I walk out into Leicester Square wondering, Did that just happen???

It felt like it went well, but I immediately squash that thought down. I better not get excited just in case. I don’t want to get my hopes up. Then I pull out my brick Nokia phone and dial my mum’s number.

“Ma, you’re not going to BELIEVE what I just did!!!!!!’

After I tell her, she says something that may be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever heard:

“Ooh, I love it when they say, ‘You might have the job’. Because you can spend a while daydreaming and really enjoying it. Then, even if you don’t get the thing, you had a lovely time!”

In that moment, I suddenly have a LIFE-ALTERING revelation:

OH.

Every time something has been a maybe and I Don’t Get My Hopes Up so’s not to be disappointed…

Every time I do that and then don’t get the thing I wanted?

I’m still fugging disappointed!!!!!

Not Getting My Hopes Up does NOTHING to protect me from feeling bad.

So, actually, I may as well daydream and enjoy it!!

And, {{ subscriber.first_name }}, I do. I imaginarily spent that £100,000 on all sorts of exciting things. I practice dropping into conversation, “Ya… co-host of the Capital Breakfast show… Yeah, Johnny’s sooo sweet…” I think about all the celebrities I’ll become BFFs with, but then will have to turn down invitations from because I have to be up at 4am every day for work.

Two weeks later, Keith emails me.

“We went with someone else. You did make the top five, though!”

I’m disappointed, but I’m genuinely mostly ok with it. It was such a wild long shot, and at least I got to enjoy it in the meantime.

Ever since then, I’ve adopted this for every single exciting “maybe”.

A few years ago, I had some thrilling conversations with book agents and publishers, where the words “Penguin Random House” and “six figure contract” were being bandied about. In the midst, I go ALL OUT on the daydreaming. I’m hanging with Brené Brown and Liz Gilbert. I’m on the red carpet at the premiere of the (He’s Just Not That Into You-style) Hollywood Movie they make of my [not yet even slightly written] book. Someone tells me that Oprah has a cruise, so of course I am a guest on that, hanging with her and Gayle.

I also tell everyone I knew about it. One friend asks “But aren’t you worried that if it doesn’t happen, you’ll have told everyone and it’ll be embarrassing to admit that it all fell through?”

I explain, “The whole thing is so ridiculous and unlikely, literally no one is going to say, ‘Wow, you didn’t get a six figure book deal with a massive publisher? What a loser.'”

Nothing comes of it in the end. But my GODS I enjoyed the journey to this point.

It’s been the same anytime I’ve had potential job conversations. When they don’t come to fruition, I’m disappointed. But it’s massively counterbalanced by how much I’ve enjoyed the daydreams. Ironically, the thing I thought was protecting me — not getting my hopes up — was doing the opposite.

I’ve learned that, as long as I hold in the list of possible outcomes that one of them might be that thing not happening, I don’t get crushed by a no. So this is my advice to you:

When you might have something, really daydream and enjoy it. This way, at the absolute minimum, you’ll have got to enjoy it in your mind.

Thanks so much for reading. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever had? Let me know in the comments below!

You rule!

xx (Yes Yes) Marsha

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Photo by Hulki Okan Tabak via Unsplash