We started things getting VERY PERSONAL in this month’s Yes Yes Questions, my free, monthly, live Advice Column. Before we dive in, a heads-up that the next YYQ is going to be soon!
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In that episode I answered these questions:
1. How do I stop attracting people into my life that treat me like garbage?
2. I’m building my first business. There’s so much to do and I don’t know where to start! What do you suggest I focus on first??
3. You’ve spoken highly of your assistant and everything she does for you. When is it time to invest in a Virtual Assistant?
4. I have something to share and I want to start speaking. How do I start?
5. Did you have to do anything to develop and share your authenticity?
Here’s the recording of the last call:
And here are some of the questions, with the Short Form Of my Answers!
1. How do I stop attracting people into my life that treat me like garbage?
She went on,
”For instance, I have a friend who ALWAYS flakes out on plans. I called him out on it, but that didn’t feel good, either. Advice?”
Short form of answer (SFOA): The first ten years of therapy I did was all about me learning boundaries, because I didn’t have a ton. I thought everyone else’s problems were mine. Throw in a Mighty Mouse complex (“Here I come to save the day!”)
This all meant I was a MAGNET for needy people, and ended up having a lot of misbalanced friendships that made me uncomfortable.
Once I started learning I was allowed to have boundaries, I also learned that, sometimes, the best thing to do did not feel good. I had to either not be friends with these people in the first place or, if that wasn’t an option, to distance myself from them. This meant sometimes, actively behaving in a way that I knew would, short-term, make them feel bad. This felt crappy, but ultimately helped us both (because, as I’ve said before on these calls, nobody wants to be a Mercy F***).
My advice: either accept that you need to be uncomfortable in order to set your boundaries of what behaviour is or isn’t acceptable in a friend.
Or, accept who the person is. If they always flake, either don’t make plans with them, or always make a back-up plan. And see if there’s a way you can enjoy their friendship without setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment.
2. I’m building my first business. There’s so much to do and I don’t know where to start! What do you suggest I focus on first??
SFOA: Firstly, there are some AMAZING online courses out there to help you set up a service-based business. I highly (HIGHLY!!) recommend:
Marie Forleo’s B School marieforleo.com/bschool
Becca Tracy’s Uncage Your Business: theuncagedlife.com/uncageyourbusiness
They are both a big investment, but if you’re willing to do the work (and you have the time), they’re well worth it.
IN THE MEANTIME, the #1 priority for a service-based business should be:
Figure out who your clients are and then start doing sessions with them.
How?
Ask yourself, “What is the pain point my service solves?” and “How do my ideal clients talk about it to themselves?”
Not sure what your niche is? Use this handy diagram I invented!
(Just for you, you can download that, by clicking on it or HERE)
In order to get new paying clients, I gave a lot of suggestions, that you can hear on the recording, above.
3. You’ve spoken highly of your assistant and everything she does for you. When is it time to invest in a Virtual Assistant?
SFOA: Do it before you feel like you’re ready. Everyone says this and it’s true.
Once you find someone, any VA worth their salt will be game for doing a trial run of one or two small tasks, so you can see if you like working with each other.
There were two questions along these lines:
4. I have something to share and I want to start speaking. How do I start?
SFOA:
1. Understand that VERY FEW people make a living just from speaking. Most people use speaking as a way to get other work (consulting, coaching, running workshops).
2. Think about the problem that your talk topic or story solves, and who has that problem (see the diagram above!)
3. Start reaching out to people in that demographic and offering to speak for free. Then you can test your idea AND get practise AND get testimonials.
4. Start asking everyone you know if they know anyone who might like you to come and speak.
5. Even after you start getting paid, don’t discount doing speaking gigs for free if it’ll get you something else — like good networking contacts and relationships, or other work, or great video for your website, or powerful testimonials.
5. Did you have to do anything to develop and share your authenticity? I filter myself based on what I worry people will think.
SFOA: In the 5.5 years that Yes Yes Marsha has existed, I have realised this:
The more of my personality I put into online work, the more people are really into it.
Remember, you are trying to attract your people, not just anyone. So, for example, when I started making my idiotic videos, my people found them funny and shared them — and people who didn’t like them, didn’t engage. Which is great! I don’t want to work with people who don’t find me funny :)
There is EVEN MORE good advice in the recording, including:
– How do I start selling workshops to corporates?
– I’ve changed my business and what I do for people — how do I find new clients?
– How do I network when I live somewhere remote?
– Which of my inspiring stories should I be telling when I speak?
Find my answers to all of those in the recording, above.
Any thoughts? Inspired by any of this? Agree or disagree with my advice? Let me know in the comments below!
Thanks so much for reading! If you know someone who NEEDS to know the answer to one of these questions, I’d be delighted if you shared it, using one of the round buttons below, or click HERE to share on Facebook.
You rule!
xx (Yes Yes) Marsha
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