How to build a mailing list; how to approach guys in bars; how to banish your ‘you suck’ voices – Yes Yes Questions 3 review!

It was a nice mix of shy and very brave in our third Yes Yes Questions – my monthly Live Advice Column. People mostly asked their questions on the chat (with me reading them out), but they asked some goooood ones.

Before I present the questions, I’m doing it again, Monday, April 6th @ 2pm ET. Want to get a reminder – plus all the secret links and resources I promised after this call?

Here is a list of most of the questions, with a short form of the answer I gave on the recording.

Let’s mix up the order, and start with the juiciest:

How would a couple of women approach dudes in a bar in a coldish city (like Toronto) without seeming too desperate, too intimidating, or too contrived? She’s admittedly not that open with strangers, but is hoping to change that. I’m good with strangers, but the approach is always so difficult!

Short form of answer: The trick here is to cultivate a situation where it’s less ‘hi, are we allowed to hang with you?’ and more ‘we are having fun and making mischief. You can join us if you like (and you’ll clearly be missing out if you don’t).’

And don’t just make this pretend. If you can get to the point where the two of you are having so much fun that, honestly, if you aren’t joined by whichever dudes have caught you’re eye, you still have a blast, then it’s win-win. Plus we all know that the ‘I don’t need you over here to have fun’ attitude is always very appealing.

Then I gave a PS on dating wisdom from my smart friend Paul…

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How to Combat Facebook Envy (and Save Lives)

We all walk around, all day every day, thinking that everyone else has their sh-t together.

We all think that everyone else has a normal background, and normal parents, and a normal, successful career and successful relationships.

Then we get on Facebook and it compounds it. “This person’s getting married!” “That person has a happy family with kids!” “this person doesn’t have kids and so they went on vacation to Costa Rica!” “That person’s making six figures in her business!” – and it just COMPOUNDS that feeling of, “Everyone else has their sh-t together but me”.

That feeling is shame. And what shame does, is builds this metal fortress around you, cutting you off from everyone else.

But then, someone…

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Why Your Shyness at a Party Is Actually A Secret Superpower

Harry Nilsson was wrong. One isn’t the loneliest number. It’s three.

When you’re shy, at a party and standing with two people who are talking to each other as if you’re not there, that’s how it feels.

In the summer of my second year at university, I had my first ever experience at a professional radio station. I hadn’t actually applied – an exceptional man called Lenny Love (real name!) had heard my show on student radio, paged me (remember how it was the 90’s?), then invited me to come and help out. (As my introduction to both radio and stand up comedy, this irrevocably altered the course of my life).

I was part of a 40-strong team working on Radio Forth’s coverage of the Edinburgh Fringe – the largest arts festival in the world. All day, we’d charge about watching shows or manning ticket giveaways. In the evening, we’d have a big production meeting, then sardine into the on-air studio for the main program: a three-hour, late-night spectacular, crammed with features, reviews and – most thrillingly – guest stand up comedians, who’d leave us asthmatic with laughter and almost taken off the air…

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