ASK (YES YES) MARSH: How do I stop my male colleagues from hugging me all time? (VIDEO)
I spent years working in the (very man-ful) music and radio industries, so I totally get where this lady is coming from. But when people are well-meaning and just trying to be nice, how do you tell them to get the hell off you – without being aggressive or creating a scene?
This is what we tackle in today’s ASK (YES YES) MARSH. Click “Read more” to see my advice…
Why You Should Ask Strangers Personal Questions
Something very weird happened on Tuesday night.
Or, if not weird, then… alchemical might be the word. I had actually fully intended to write a blog about something else – some straight up networking advice (like I gave you here and here). But I’m still reeling from that evening and feel like I have to tell you about it.
It started innocently enough…
Networking: When It’s OK to Lie
I know the ten commandments suggest not to, but sometimes, thou SHALT lie:
If you’re on a night out, your friend asks whether her hair looks weird – and it does, and there’s nothing she can do about it right now, tell her no. If your brother was right in the middle of an important interview and accidentally let out a massive (and noisy) fart, then he asks you – mortified – if you think the interviewers laughed at him after he left, say, “They probably don’t even remember”.
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that I’m usually all about not lying – not being a fake, schmoozy, gross caricature of everything people hate about networking.
But sometimes: you need to. Here are those times:
(1) When extracting yourself from…
ASK (YES YES) MARSH: Networking and Flirting – Where’s The Line?
I bloody love reading advice columns.
When I worked in radio, I used to make all my interns tear out the “Dear Deidre”s from the back of the tabloids, so I could read them on the train home. The only German I know is from translating Teen Mag problem pages when I was a teenager (“Ich schwärme für ihn! Er ist sehr gutaussehend und frech!”*).
heart lady
And, as a coach, it’s in my nature to LOVE giving my suggestions for solving other people’s problems. As one ex- described me, I’m “violently helpful”.
So: I am THRILLED to announce a new sporadic feature:
ASK (YES YES) MARSH
And today: networking – and flirting.
Anonymous Gentleman writes:
I was wondering…
How To Deal With Boring Conversations
I grabbed the stranger by her shoulders and she stopped talking, mid-sentence – shocked.
“Dude,” I lowered my voice, and looked straight in her eyes. “What. Makes you think. That I care this much about you? You called this meeting. I have a lot to do today. I don’t even want to be here. STOP. TALKING. ONLY. ABOUT. YOURSELF. It is SO. BORING.”
Shy, Going To A Party and Feeling Nervous? TEN TIPS
I GASPED AWAKE.
After three seconds of confused, soft stillness, everything caught up and my headache came crashing in.
Squinting at the clock – it was 11:30am – I tried to piece together what was going on.
Oh yes. The Christmas party.
I was 22 years old and very, very hungover. The night before…
Exactly What to Say When You Walk Up To A Stranger at an Event
Within my career to date, it was the bravest move I’d ever made. Or maybe just the scariest.
Part of me couldn’t believe I was about to say this – to a TOTAL stranger. Someone I’d never spoken to before.
And at one of these events!
The kind I knew I should be at, but was terrified of. I’d only gone because my buddy Steve had said he would chum me. Then he got held up at work, but I hadn’t discovered this until I was outside the door. And I figured…well, I’m here. And I really need to meet some of these people.
After what felt like HOURS (but was more likely five minutes), I made the decision to do it. I spotted my target… walked up. And SAID IT…
When it’s OK to Walk Up To A Stranger…And When It Isn’t
I’m pretty sure it’s because of six year old girls that we all fear this.
You know the deal: you’re in the sunny schoolyard. You skip up to your two friends, excited to tell them the FUNNIEST thing that Stephen Henderson just did by the swings – when they turn to you, one of them screwing up her mouth, then saying,
“Sorry. Private con-ver-saaaation”.
Crushed, you slink away, feeling the hot burn of humiliation in your chest.
I actually don’t remember a specific incident where this happened, but the fact that imagining this scenario just now has given me such a visceral, physical shame reaction, tells me that it definitely did.
When you’re in a crowd – even if it’s a networking event or a conference, where protocol says it’s totally fine to walk up to strangers and introduce yourself – knowing who it is and isn’t ok to approach can take you right back to that hot summer afternoon.
What if you walk up and start talking – and they give you…
If You Hate Going To Networking Events, Here’s How Not To
It’s kind of a stupid thing for me to say. It might sound like I’m trying to put myself out a job. But it’s just true:
I hate going to networking events.
There.
Sometimes, they’re unavoidable for me. Maybe it’s been organised by a friend; perhaps a business buddy wants to meet me at one. Sometimes I can roll with it and try and have fun – but often, I’m totally not in the mood and can think of twelve other places I’d rather be.
If this sounds like you, here’s a solution:…
A Behind-The-Scenes Tour of my Brain Going to a Conference
When I tell people what I do, often they’ll say, “Oh I hate going to networking events!”
Here’s the thing: so do I. They can feel like everyone’s trying to sell you their thing, plus they tend to have snacks at a time meant for dinner, so my hunger gets confused.
But a conference? I bloody love a conference. Have done since I started going to student radio conferences in the 90s, and now love going to ones where I meet other people like me, who are trying to use their powers for good. I love the learning. I *LOVE the meeting people. I love that sometimes, I get to show off a bit.
But, in spite of of all that, I kind of emotionally go through the ringer before each one.
This weekend, I’m at World Domination Summit – which, while it sounds like a Lex Luthor/Doctor Evil meetup, it’s actually talks, meetings and mini-events for 3000 entrepreneurs, who are all trying to make the world a better place.
So, in celebration, here’s a behind-the-scenes peek at my brain, in the run-up to going to, and at the start of, a conference…
