How to get your friends and family to sell for you (without being a slimy creep)
When I first started this business, I thought the best way to sell my services would be to throw money at the marketing. Facebook ads! Celebrity endorsements! Giant billboards! Except, there was a pretty big obstacle…
…I HAD JUST STARTED MY BUSINESS SO I HAD NO MONEY.
What was left instead?
Word of mouth. Here, there was another problem:
Most of the people I’d done sessions with so far had been pro bono. And they’d been happy to do those sessions for free, because those people had no money to spend on coaching. Which meant most of the people they hung out with also had no money to spend on coaching.
You might have this same issue. But you know who does have some money they might spend on your thing? SOMEONE you know. Which sounds easy…. but:
How do you tell people you know about what you’re doing, without sounding like you’re trying to screw them out of their well-earned money as an act of charity?
Two parts to this answer:
1. Remember that the…
A sales page (and conversation) tip that’ll make ideal clients DESPERATE to work with you
A lot of us feel GROSS about writing sales pages or having sales conversations. Like we’re trying to force our stuff on people.
And when we’re then told to include your ideal clients pain points? Forget it! So pushy!
Except…. what if talking about their pain points actually helped them?
What if including pain points gave your dream clients the thing they crave most in the entire world — EVEN IF THEY NEVER BUY FROM YOU?
When done right, this is possible. And in this video, I show you how!
How to build a mailing list; how to approach guys in bars; how to banish your ‘you suck’ voices – Yes Yes Questions 3 review!
It was a nice mix of shy and very brave in our third Yes Yes Questions – my monthly Live Advice Column. People mostly asked their questions on the chat (with me reading them out), but they asked some goooood ones.
Before I present the questions, I’m doing it again, Monday, April 6th @ 2pm ET. Want to get a reminder – plus all the secret links and resources I promised after this call?
Here is a list of most of the questions, with a short form of the answer I gave on the recording.
Let’s mix up the order, and start with the juiciest:
How would a couple of women approach dudes in a bar in a coldish city (like Toronto) without seeming too desperate, too intimidating, or too contrived? She’s admittedly not that open with strangers, but is hoping to change that. I’m good with strangers, but the approach is always so difficult!
Short form of answer: The trick here is to cultivate a situation where it’s less ‘hi, are we allowed to hang with you?’ and more ‘we are having fun and making mischief. You can join us if you like (and you’ll clearly be missing out if you don’t).’
And don’t just make this pretend. If you can get to the point where the two of you are having so much fun that, honestly, if you aren’t joined by whichever dudes have caught you’re eye, you still have a blast, then it’s win-win. Plus we all know that the ‘I don’t need you over here to have fun’ attitude is always very appealing.
Then I gave a PS on dating wisdom from my smart friend Paul…
How to be charming and the dark side of being charming (Yes Yes Questions #2 review!)
Two weeks ago – in the midst of moving apartment – I ran another of my live advice columns, which we’re calling YES YES QUESTIONS. For the first one, we’d had about 30 people on the call. This time, it was four – which, honest to goodness, I liked just as much, because it felt more like INTIMATE PARTY (that you can now eavesdrop on!) and we kicked it off with a very personal, really interesting question.
Below, I’ve listed the questions asked, and written a short form version of the answer I gave.
First though – I’m doing it again! Monday, April 6th @ 2pm ET. Want to come along?
Here are the questions people asked and short form answers:
(1) Danielle LaPorte says, ‘Heart open; big effing fence.’ But I think my fences are too big. People tell me I’m impossible to get to know and come across as being aloof, especially in short-term interactions. Any advice?
(Short Form Of Answer: Question where the aloofness comes from. Is it a defense mechanism, ‘If I hate you first, then it doesn’t matter if you judge me, because I already hate you’? That’s ok, just acknowledge. More on that HERE: yesyesmarsha.com/newpeople and here: yesyesmarsha.com/badmorning
Also, FAKE YOUR OWN SELF-CONFIDENCE in these situations. It will make you confident. It’s served me well for years.
Also, start with one small talk question before you get more interesting.
Also, being charming has a dark side, in the recording, I let you in on what that is.)
(2) If I don’t have a Big Brand Story, do I even need to use storytelling?
(SFOA: YES. And also, while a Big Brand Story might get you press, it might get you podcast interviews – it’s not what gets you clients. What gets you clients, is a small, small story that people can relate to. I give examples in the recording.)
(3) For as long as I can remember, I knew…
How to say no, How to stay focused, How to love somewhere you hate living – Yes Yes Questions #1 REVIEW!
GUESS WHAT???!?!??!?!?! You know that thing I did? Where I had a secret wish that seemed silly, had little to do with my job and is only for already super-famous people (or paid journalists)… but I thought I’d try it out anyway? IT WORKED!! If you missed the whole story, the Cliff notes are: –…
When you meet new people, do you ever just irrationally HATE them?
This is a little embarrassing to admit, but here goes:
A few weeks ago, I locked my bike up outside this juice bar in Portland, a tight ball of nausea in the bottom of my stomach.
I was at WDS – the conference World Domination Summit, where do-gooders (like me) try and make the world a better place – and arriving at my first ‘meet-up’. These are impromptu gatherings thrown by attendees. I had my own one the following day, a short workshop on How To Tell Compelling Stories. But this one at the juice bar was a storytelling meet-up being thrown by someone else – a lady I’d never met before, and was a bit scared of.
Two days before, I’d (finally, very last-minute) decided to put on my own meet-up about storytelling. As I scrolled through those other people had posted, I realised that there was already one happening on the same subject. Gutted at first, I then looked into the details and decided it was ok for both to exist. This one, by a lady called Sara Hunt, was going to be about how to figure out which of your own stories to tell. Mine was more about how to tell your stories. Also, hers was already full, so I figured it was even more ok to put mine on.
But I am a perennial people pleaser, and I was still worried that she’d be annoyed. So I sent her an email.
In it, I explained what I felt the differences were between our two workshops, and told her I’d love to meet her at some point – which was true; from her website and blog, she seemed cool and interesting. Then, I asked whether, if there ended up being a free spot, I could come along to her meet-up.
It took me about 20 minutes of writing and rewriting to compose this last question.
What if she thought I was just coming along to steal her ideas? What if she was annoyed that I was running my own storytelling meet-up and it made her not like me?
My fears were trumped by how much I wanted to go, so I asked. To my relief, I got a reply saying she’d love to have me along.
But now, I was actually here…
V quick tip to avoid p*ssing off someone who just helped you out
A move keeps being made by people I’ve just favours for, that makes me want to stop doing them favours.
Running True Stories Told Live, my live storytelling show, I get a lot of requests to be put in touch with this person and that person. Because I <3 getting people tell their stories, I help these people out. I give them email introductions - and what happens next, is what almost always happens, and what REALLY annoys me: I get sucked into the email chain between these two people. Here is a very quick and classy way to get around that:
Feeling called to do something inconvenient or scary? This one’s for you!
You know what it’s like:
You get offered an opportunity. Maybe it’s something big, like telling your story onstage. Maybe it’s something more personal, like having an awesome friend come to visit. You know you should do it. You know you kind of want to do it. But at the same time… it requires effort, and inconvenience.
Here’s why I think you should always say yes…
I met my hero. My hair looked like a wig. It did not start well.
“You don’t. Understand.”
I was using that gritted-teeth, quiet but solid tone of voice. The kind you use when you really, really want to scream your words out, but know that you can’t. In this case, I couldn’t because:
(1) I understood that she was just being nice and trying to help, and
(2) on some level, deep below the surface, I knew I was being wildly unreasonable.
It was Saturday night, and I was getting ready to meet my hero…
How my patronising altruism WILDLY benefitted me
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t publicly admit having had this thought process. It shows that I can sometimes be an egotistical dick. But I like the end of it so much that I want to tell you.
I come to you from the train I’m taking from St Catharines (no apostrophe) back to Toronto. Last night I ran a workshop – my third in a year – for Brock University, on Networking That’s Effective and Actually Fun, for their entrepreneurial students in their BioLinc incubator.
One of the things I teach the students was how important it is to add value to people, long before you ask for anything.
An amazing way to add value is to thank people for teachings you’ve enjoyed, being specific where you can. Another is offering to make…
