Made a Dork of yourself in front of a VIP? Here’s how to deal. ASK (YES YES) MARSH (VIDEO)
Acting like a dork in front of someone we want to impress. We’ve ALL done it. There’s a reason why the video where I introduced you to your Dork Goblin – aka the spirit that comes down to possess you when you’re speaking to someone you want to impress, and makes you act the opposite of how…
Top Ten Tips – Networking for Introverts (that’s actually FUN & EASY!) [VIDEO]
Having just come back from World Domination Summit – a giant conference of 3,000 do-gooders in Portland – and having actually enjoyed myself, I thought it was about time I shared a Top Ten of advice for anyone who’s off to a conference or event, thinks that they hate networking, and is REALLY NERVOUS.
Here you go. My favourite is pencil-mouth lady. Yours?
Feel Like Everyone Else Has Their Sh–t Together and You Don’t? Do This Now
At certain moments in life, your emotional response to a situation is so extreme – and so inappropriate for your immediate circumstances – that you have to do everything in your power to hide it. Use every ounce of strength to construct your features into a shape that would suggest that you feel the opposite of the way you actually do.
Getting broken up with by someone you’ve not been seeing for very long, that’s one.
I remember another: I’d been working at Virgin Megastores’ in-store radio station for a few months, but I didn’t want to be there…
ASK (YES YES) MARSH: How do I stop my male colleagues from hugging me all time? (VIDEO)
I spent years working in the (very man-ful) music and radio industries, so I totally get where this lady is coming from. But when people are well-meaning and just trying to be nice, how do you tell them to get the hell off you – without being aggressive or creating a scene?
This is what we tackle in today’s ASK (YES YES) MARSH. Click “Read more” to see my advice…
Networking: When It’s OK to Lie
I know the ten commandments suggest not to, but sometimes, thou SHALT lie:
If you’re on a night out, your friend asks whether her hair looks weird – and it does, and there’s nothing she can do about it right now, tell her no. If your brother was right in the middle of an important interview and accidentally let out a massive (and noisy) fart, then he asks you – mortified – if you think the interviewers laughed at him after he left, say, “They probably don’t even remember”.
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that I’m usually all about not lying – not being a fake, schmoozy, gross caricature of everything people hate about networking.
But sometimes: you need to. Here are those times:
(1) When extracting yourself from…
How To Deal With Boring Conversations
I grabbed the stranger by her shoulders and she stopped talking, mid-sentence – shocked.
“Dude,” I lowered my voice, and looked straight in her eyes. “What. Makes you think. That I care this much about you? You called this meeting. I have a lot to do today. I don’t even want to be here. STOP. TALKING. ONLY. ABOUT. YOURSELF. It is SO. BORING.”
What I Learned from being a Zombie Nun Designated Dancer at Queer Slow Dance
I bit my lip, and hit “reply” to the text message.
‘That sounds exciting and scary’, I wrote. ‘Can I think about it and let you know?’
My friend Erin had just asked whether I would join her to be a Designated Dancer at Queer Slow Dance.
Queer Slow Dance is a regular night in Toronto (and Montreal) that pretty much does what it says on the tin. And my job as a Designated Dancer would be to spend two hours asking strangers to slow dance with me, gently easing the wallflowers from their seats and helping them to feel included.
It sounded terrifying.
Partly because of the concept. Slow dancing isn’t really a thing we DO in the UK. My only experience was once, at my summer camp, when a Much Older Boy asked me if I’d slow dance with him. I remember finding it awkward and a bit too grown up to be comfortable.
But I was most scared of having to walk up to strangers and ask them to dance.
What if they say no?
What if EVERYONE says no?…
When it’s OK to Walk Up To A Stranger…And When It Isn’t
I’m pretty sure it’s because of six year old girls that we all fear this.
You know the deal: you’re in the sunny schoolyard. You skip up to your two friends, excited to tell them the FUNNIEST thing that Stephen Henderson just did by the swings – when they turn to you, one of them screwing up her mouth, then saying,
“Sorry. Private con-ver-saaaation”.
Crushed, you slink away, feeling the hot burn of humiliation in your chest.
I actually don’t remember a specific incident where this happened, but the fact that imagining this scenario just now has given me such a visceral, physical shame reaction, tells me that it definitely did.
When you’re in a crowd – even if it’s a networking event or a conference, where protocol says it’s totally fine to walk up to strangers and introduce yourself – knowing who it is and isn’t ok to approach can take you right back to that hot summer afternoon.
What if you walk up and start talking – and they give you…
A Behind-The-Scenes Tour of my Brain Going to a Conference
When I tell people what I do, often they’ll say, “Oh I hate going to networking events!”
Here’s the thing: so do I. They can feel like everyone’s trying to sell you their thing, plus they tend to have snacks at a time meant for dinner, so my hunger gets confused.
But a conference? I bloody love a conference. Have done since I started going to student radio conferences in the 90s, and now love going to ones where I meet other people like me, who are trying to use their powers for good. I love the learning. I *LOVE the meeting people. I love that sometimes, I get to show off a bit.
But, in spite of of all that, I kind of emotionally go through the ringer before each one.
This weekend, I’m at World Domination Summit – which, while it sounds like a Lex Luthor/Doctor Evil meetup, it’s actually talks, meetings and mini-events for 3000 entrepreneurs, who are all trying to make the world a better place.
So, in celebration, here’s a behind-the-scenes peek at my brain, in the run-up to going to, and at the start of, a conference…
How to Stop Acting Like a Total Weirdo Around People You Want to Impress (VIDEO)
A couple of months ago, I got to meet one of my heroes. Someone I think is AMAZING. The first bit of the encounter – when there were lots of others around – went alright.
Then I tried to talk to her one-on-one.
Before I knew what was happening, I was acting like – well, basically, the opposite of how I wanted to come across. Lots of spitting. Laughing too hard. Almost as if I was trying to make her dislike me.
Sadly, it’s a way of behaving that I know all too well. Happily – I’ve learned to give this condition a name – and some steps to get rid of it.
Is this something you’ve experienced?
If so, in today’s video, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to…
