What I Learned from being a Zombie Nun Designated Dancer at Queer Slow Dance
I bit my lip, and hit “reply” to the text message.
‘That sounds exciting and scary’, I wrote. ‘Can I think about it and let you know?’
My friend Erin had just asked whether I would join her to be a Designated Dancer at Queer Slow Dance.
Queer Slow Dance is a regular night in Toronto (and Montreal) that pretty much does what it says on the tin. And my job as a Designated Dancer would be to spend two hours asking strangers to slow dance with me, gently easing the wallflowers from their seats and helping them to feel included.
It sounded terrifying.
Partly because of the concept. Slow dancing isn’t really a thing we DO in the UK. My only experience was once, at my summer camp, when a Much Older Boy asked me if I’d slow dance with him. I remember finding it awkward and a bit too grown up to be comfortable.
But I was most scared of having to walk up to strangers and ask them to dance.
What if they say no?
What if EVERYONE says no?…
Exactly What to Say When You Walk Up To A Stranger at an Event
Within my career to date, it was the bravest move I’d ever made. Or maybe just the scariest.
Part of me couldn’t believe I was about to say this – to a TOTAL stranger. Someone I’d never spoken to before.
And at one of these events!
The kind I knew I should be at, but was terrified of. I’d only gone because my buddy Steve had said he would chum me. Then he got held up at work, but I hadn’t discovered this until I was outside the door. And I figured…well, I’m here. And I really need to meet some of these people.
After what felt like HOURS (but was more likely five minutes), I made the decision to do it. I spotted my target… walked up. And SAID IT…
When it’s OK to Walk Up To A Stranger…And When It Isn’t
I’m pretty sure it’s because of six year old girls that we all fear this.
You know the deal: you’re in the sunny schoolyard. You skip up to your two friends, excited to tell them the FUNNIEST thing that Stephen Henderson just did by the swings – when they turn to you, one of them screwing up her mouth, then saying,
“Sorry. Private con-ver-saaaation”.
Crushed, you slink away, feeling the hot burn of humiliation in your chest.
I actually don’t remember a specific incident where this happened, but the fact that imagining this scenario just now has given me such a visceral, physical shame reaction, tells me that it definitely did.
When you’re in a crowd – even if it’s a networking event or a conference, where protocol says it’s totally fine to walk up to strangers and introduce yourself – knowing who it is and isn’t ok to approach can take you right back to that hot summer afternoon.
What if you walk up and start talking – and they give you…
If You Hate Going To Networking Events, Here’s How Not To
It’s kind of a stupid thing for me to say. It might sound like I’m trying to put myself out a job. But it’s just true:
I hate going to networking events.
There.
Sometimes, they’re unavoidable for me. Maybe it’s been organised by a friend; perhaps a business buddy wants to meet me at one. Sometimes I can roll with it and try and have fun – but often, I’m totally not in the mood and can think of twelve other places I’d rather be.
If this sounds like you, here’s a solution:…
A Behind-The-Scenes Tour of my Brain Going to a Conference
When I tell people what I do, often they’ll say, “Oh I hate going to networking events!”
Here’s the thing: so do I. They can feel like everyone’s trying to sell you their thing, plus they tend to have snacks at a time meant for dinner, so my hunger gets confused.
But a conference? I bloody love a conference. Have done since I started going to student radio conferences in the 90s, and now love going to ones where I meet other people like me, who are trying to use their powers for good. I love the learning. I *LOVE the meeting people. I love that sometimes, I get to show off a bit.
But, in spite of of all that, I kind of emotionally go through the ringer before each one.
This weekend, I’m at World Domination Summit – which, while it sounds like a Lex Luthor/Doctor Evil meetup, it’s actually talks, meetings and mini-events for 3000 entrepreneurs, who are all trying to make the world a better place.
So, in celebration, here’s a behind-the-scenes peek at my brain, in the run-up to going to, and at the start of, a conference…
How to Stop Acting Like a Total Weirdo Around People You Want to Impress (VIDEO)
A couple of months ago, I got to meet one of my heroes. Someone I think is AMAZING. The first bit of the encounter – when there were lots of others around – went alright.
Then I tried to talk to her one-on-one.
Before I knew what was happening, I was acting like – well, basically, the opposite of how I wanted to come across. Lots of spitting. Laughing too hard. Almost as if I was trying to make her dislike me.
Sadly, it’s a way of behaving that I know all too well. Happily – I’ve learned to give this condition a name – and some steps to get rid of it.
Is this something you’ve experienced?
If so, in today’s video, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to…
What I Learned From Trying To Make Friends In A New City
They were perfect. Both of them. Exactly what I was looking for.
I sat, pretending to work on my computer. Listening to what they were saying. Trying not to laugh out loud at their jokes. Stealing glances when I could.
The two girls seemed to have known each other a while. As far as I could gather, one was some sort of designer or artist. The other worked for a non-profit. They were lefties, like me. They both dressed really well.
Picking up my mug to sip, I daydreamed. Imagine if I was brave enough to do what I really wanted to? I’d get up from my rustic chair, stroll across the cafe to their table, and stand above them.
“Excuse me”, I’d smile. “Sorry to interupt. I’ve been over there, listening to bits of your conversation. You both seem great. I love your clothes and you’re both really funny. Would either of you like to hang out sometime? I don’t mind which one. I’m new in town and looking for friends. Do you fancy being one of mine?”.
How To Get Out of an Awkward Conversation – Without Being Offensive (VIDEO)
A little break from the norm: usually, I write and make videos about how to get on well in any networking situation. Especially, how to have conversations that are actually interesting and fun – even a short chat with a total stranger. My clients and readers have had successes with this stuff, at everywhere from art shows to blind dates.
BUT
Recently I keep being asked, “What do you do when the conversation you’re in dries up? How do you get away?”. Almost every new exchange has its life span – and you might need an exit strategy, even from ones you’ve enjoyed.
So, I made you a video – with a script – for these exact situations. It features a cameo by an A List celebrity. I don’t want to give too much…
How to Make the Most of Those Magical Chance Encounters – and Make An Impression On A Celebrity
As you may have guessed from the videos, I’m a bit of a show-off. And as one, I don’t love to share the limelight. BUT sometimes, someone comes along who’s so damn wonderful, you want EVERYONE to read what they have to say. One such person is Robert Keller – actor, comedian, storyteller, and first — and possibly last — ever guest poster here at Yes Yes Marsha Towers. Over to him:
Hi! I am so thrilled to be guest blogging on yesyesmarsha.com!
I gather Marsha was called away to some secret location by Austin Powers to save the world, get knighted by Queen Elizabeth II, and maybe replace Sharon Osbourne as an X Factor UK judge.
To begin, an admission…
The Lie All Grown Ups Tell Ourselves
There’s a lie we all tell ourselves.
Everyone does it.
And, when you finally discover the truth, it’s a triple-whammy;
– you encounter shock and disappointment, on top of what is already an unpleasant experience.
Here’s a secret fact about me:…
