How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say (Whilst Barely Saying Anything)

There’s a conversational magic trick that is amazing.

Anyone can do it.

In it, you say almost nothing.

The other person then leaves the conversation feeling that you are completely fascinating.

Avoiding awkwardness

In the last post, I told you how to take the pressure off yourself, when trying to come up with things to talk about. Sometimes, though, still nothing comes to mind.

Or nothing that isn’t SUPER-awkward.

“Well, here we are! Standing up. On our legs.
We both have two! Would you look at that”.

Happily, I can tell you that this, also, is Not A Problem.

Why not?
Because YOU don’t have to do the talking.

Who will?
The person to whom you can’t think of what to say.

Say What?

Exactly.

“What” is an excellent way to start a question.

When you’re chatting with someone unfamiliar and you ask them questions, magical things happen.

(1) You don’t have to do any of the talking   

As long as you ask open ended (ie not Yes/No-answerable) questions, that person will begin the meat of the conversation.

Once the pressure to eliminate the silence is off, you may well find you’ve relaxed enough to contribute.
(Especially if you bear in mind the important points we talked about in the last blog).

If that *doesn’t happen – no problem, just ask another question.

(2) You can find out a lot about someone

Both in the content of their answers, and their attitude.

Hopefully by now, you’re reframing networking as Making Interesting Friends (if you need a refresher on that, click here).

You don’t want to make friends with someone who you don’t gel with or like. When you get someone talking about herself or her opinions, it’ll give you a pretty good idea of whether you want to be friends with her.

(3) You can find out where that person might need help

When you’re networking(/MIFing), you want to give before you think about getting back.

People want to help people who have helped them.

If the person you’re asking questions discusses a problem you know how to solve, it’s a great opportunity to

• help them out
• have an instant reason to stay in touch.

Bear in mind: this doesn’t have to occur to you immediately.

He may mention something that you remember later on, when reading a certain article.
You can then send that to him, which will help forge that connection.

(4) You become a more interesting person 

First, two bits of direction:

• (i) try your hardest to ask about things you’re genuinely interested in

With every answer that person gives, think about what she said that you can relate to.
Even if it’s on an asbstract or theoretical level.

Eg “Rock climbing! Wow, I’d be terrified. How did it feel the first time you ever went up a mountain?”.
(In this example, you don’t have to be a rock-climber in order to relate to someone who is).

•  (ii) try and get them talking about things that they feel passionate about

 For example, by asking questions like,

 “What is it you like best about that?”
or
“Which part did you enjoy the most?”

Now that you get this, here’s the explanation to point number (4):

• Showing a genuine interest in someone

and

• Getting someone talking about things that light them up  

both make them feel GREAT about themselves.

This will make them feel great about YOU.

Trust me, I’ve had this happen a LOT. I’ve had conversations with people where I’ve barely spoken about myself, because I was mostly asking questions.
That person has then reported back to a mutual friend,

“Marsha – what a FASCINATING woman”.

My telling you this isn’t arrogance – I genuinely wasn’t being fascinating.
I was just being inquisitive.

All that person remembered is how good they felt after the conversation, and they attributed that to my character.

(5) Being curious makes you happier.

This is a scientifically proven FACT! 

(click here to tweet that!)

According to one of the largest psychology experiments*, curiosity is one of five basic human strengths that are most highly associated with overall life fulfillment and happiness.

So, to recap:

• ask open-ended questions
• be genuinely curious
• ask questions that’ll lead that person to talk about what lights them up

If you do this:

(1) you don’t have to do any of the substantial talking

(2) you can find out whether or not you want to be their friend

(3) you’ll discover where you can help them

(4) They will find you fascinating

(5) you’ll be happier in your life in general!

Over To You

Can you remember a time when someone talked and talked and didn’t ask you a single question about yourself?
Perhaps they were trying to impress you by talking solely about how great they are.
Did it have that effect?

Or what about someone who *did ask you about yourself – how did that make you feel?

Let me know in the comments below, or by clicking here!

Thanks for reading,

You rule,

xx (Yes Yes) Marsha

PS want to know my best-ever client secret – and get even more advice, tips, plus stories that I won’t put on the internet? Come and join the Yes Yes Family – it’s free! Just pop your details in below:

*Peterson, Christopher; Seligman, Martin E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-19-516701-5.
That’s right.

Photo credits: kennymatic, pennydogaccessories, The-E and Alex E. Proimos, all via Compfight cc.

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