Want to find your best stories? Do this in restaurants.

I’m breaking a rule by writing to you today.

This week – last Friday until today – I was supposed to be in New York. On the final trip of a spate that has lasted almost three months, I was going to be hanging out with my mum, who had a week-long job there. But then her job got cancelled, and so I decided to do something I’ve never done before:

Take an internet break.

Email and social media. Not because I’m in the woods, not because it’s Christmas, just… to see what happens.

What’s happened is that, in my head, I’ve frantically been composing Facebook posts and Instagram captions and the blog where I share on the internet what it’s like to stop sharing on the internet. Certainly, that’s what happened like WILD the first two days.

But… it’s waning. And something else is happening. And this is the part that I think you’ll find the most interesting.

A few weeks ago, I listened to (and LOVED) Amy Jo Martin’s interview with Simon “28m views for his TED Talk” Sinek. At one point, what he said struck me so hard that I paused the podcast, opened up my note-taking app, and started transcribing. Here are some direct quotes from that interview:

“Our subconscious brain has access to 11 acres of information that we don’t. If we don’t give our minds time to wander, we’re forcing our conscious brains to solve all the problems. Which is stupid.

When your friend goes to the bathroom, don’t pull your phone out! Look around the restaurant for five minutes!
You don’t have to be engaged all the hours of all the days! 

We cannot have innovation and great ideas if we’re not allowing our limbic brains – our subconscious brains – to help us solve the problems that we face.

This is not my opinion – this is biology! This is how the brain works!”

(listen to the whole interview, on Amy’s EXCELLENT new podcast – here: amyjomartin.com/whynotnow)

Side note – when I posted one of these quotes on Twitter, a friend of mine who recently had dinner with me (and my tiny bladder), responded:

SO. I’ve been trying this out.

On Saturday, when my nephew (who I was babysitting) was due for a nap, I decided to take a 40 minute walk. Ordinarily, I bike and almost never walk anywhere. As usual, I thought, Awesome! As I walk and he sleeps, I can listen to so many business podcasts!! But then I realised that my iPod (which functions as my smart phone)(I have a flip-phone, because I am from the ’90s) was out of batteries.

So instead… I just went for a walk. With nothing else to entertain me. It was WILD.

Then, hanging with friends over the weekend, when they would go to the bathroom, instead of checking my Instagram likes (which is something I do a LOT), I would… pick up a book, and read a paragraph or two. I KNOW.

This has resulted in two things:

(1) A deep sense of calm

It’s not all-pervasive. I still feel the jangling call of all the things I’d been hoping to get done on these few days (I’ll clean my whole house! I’ll Marie Kondo all my stuff! I’ll hang with loads of friends! I’ll do a bunch of non-work writing!), a list that I’ve barely made a dent in.

But I do feel much more like I’m in control of my life. Like I can breathe – and those jangles can wait for me until I’m ready.

(2) IDEAS

I love books, but I never have time for them. I see people reading in cafes and think, Who ARE you, that you have time to do this??  This pause is allowing me to be one of those people.

The book I’ve been reading in cafes is Marion Roach Smith’s “The Memoir Project: A Thoroughly Non-Standardized Text For Writing and Life”. She spoke (alongside me) at Jeff Goins’ Tribe Conference last week and the way she talks – and, I’m discovering, writes – makes something tremble, deep inside my soul.

In the book, she gives guidance and inspiration on finding which scenes from your life you can write about. Usually, I find I have to dig around for these, little shiny stones in the dirt. But with the mental space I’ve given myself this weekend, ideas have been pouring out. Some for the blog. Some maybe not to be printed or posted (Marion Roach Smith puts great emphasis on this last – your memoirs don’t have to be for full public consumption: maybe you want to tell your kids about their grandparents; maybe you the story of your dead dad is bursting out of you).

Today I officially end my online fast.

But I’m hoping to take it forward. I’m considering trying it again every Friday – Monday. I know that I could, in theory, just be more disciplined about when I look at email and social media in my day-to-day. But at the age of 39 – ten years after I first joined Myspace – I know that I won’t. It’s definitely the school of abstinence where you put the cake (or the booze, or the computer game) in the high-up cupboard and lock the door, but that’s the school that seems to work best for me (which is why I have a flip-phone in the first place).

And you?

I’d like you to try having a little space.

One teacher of mine phrased it as,

“invite in small boredoms”

Try just sitting there and enjoying the pause, when the tap takes a while to get hot; when your computer is powering up; when your friend goes to the bathroom. 

(even if that’s five times an hour).

Make some space, and see if ideas for stories come creeping in.

(You can tweet that sentence, HERE)

Thanks so much for reading. If you’ve tried this – or if you have any thoughts on how best to – I’d love to hear them, in the comments. If you can think of someone else who might enjoy this idea, you can share this blog with them, using one of the round buttons below, or by clicking HERE to share on Facebook.

And if you now have some ideas of which story of yours to tell – but want help shaping the story – that’s literally my favourite thing I do. Have a look how, here: yesyesmarsha.com/workwithme

You rule!

xx (Yes Yes) Marsha

PS want to know my best-ever client secret – and get even more advice, tips, plus stories that I won’t put on the internet? Come and join the Yes Yes Family – it’s free! Just pop your details in below:

Photo Credits: StartWithWhy.com; Farrel Nobel via the wonderful UnSplash.com

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