What Most People ACTUALLY Think Of Your Conversation Skills

When I tell people about the restricting experience that I had for a lot of my life 
– which you can read about by clicking HERE –
they often say exactly the same thing:

“You! Shy?? No way! I just can’t see it.” 

One extreme feeling because of another

Even though their surprise is more statement of fact than compliment, I always get a little happy bristle.

For so many years, I felt like I was behind a glass wall when I went out to places.
My friends would all chat away to new people, but I stayed mute.

These were friends who knew that, when it was just us, no one could shut me up.

So as well as feeling deep frustration, I got to feel some shame and humiliation.

*awesome*

Why I was so quiet, when I didn’t want to be

The reason I never spoke to them wasn’t 80’s-inspired Stranger Danger.

It was usually because, faced with the prospect of saying something, my mind went blank.

Panic seeped into my ears and down the back of my neck, and there was nothing in my mind but a weird, uncomfortable feeling of pressure.

Well, that’s not strictly true: the reason my mind usually went blank, is because on those occasions when something did pop into my head, it just seemed too rubbish to share.

I was TOTALLY convinced that anything I said had to be:

• fascinating
• insightful
• or hilarious

Whatever occurred to me was, invariably, none of those things.

Even then, that was pretty silly thinking

The ensuing panic blocked out the logic of my situation:

 most of what was being said by everyone else was, also, none of those things.

And – everyone was ok with that.

Think about it:

You’re at a party. Someone walks up to you that you don’t know.

The first thing they say to you is really insightful. The next is totally fascinating.

Wow, you think.
That dude just said something very interesting that has made me really question my opinions.

But would I like to hang out more with him?, asks the friend-filter/networking opportunist part of your brain.

I’m not sure, says main-brain. He’s kind of intense.

What made me finally work this out

At 18, I got my first ever job behind the bar in the pub up the road.

If you ever want a crash course in having conversations with people, the busy local is the place to do it.
Something about being behind the bar makes people feel like they already know you.

This can be lovely. It can be tedious. But it is always very educational.

The thing I realised – the thing that completely changed the way I interact with new people – is this:

Most people you meet don’t expect you to be
FASCINATING and HILARIOUS
in everything you say.

  They just want to shoot the shit.

Tweet that here!

I’d even go a step further and say that, were you to be solely FASCINATING and HILARIOUS, they would either – as imagined above – find you intense,
or
find you totally intimidating, and not someone they can relate to.

Over To You

Think about the last time you met a new person that you liked.

What was it that drew you to them?

Was it that they knocked you sideways with every fascinating comment?

Or was it (as I would suspect) that you found them to be like you, in some way
– you could relate to them in a style of conversation that suited you?

Let me know in the comments below (or by clicking here).

Thanks!

You rule,

xx (Yes Yes) Marsha

PS want to know my best-ever client secret – and get even more advice, tips, plus stories that I won’t put on the internet? Come and join the Yes Yes Family – it’s free! Just pop your details in below:

Photo Credits: Alfonsina Blyde », _chrisUK and Aurimas Adomavicius, all via Compfight cc.

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