The noise starts again. Sitting on our table at the back of the room, T and I flick our eyes towards each other, glaring. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, before we both look back towards the speaker.
The room is huge and we’re on a sort of mezzanine level to the side, and so it’s hard to tell where the noise is coming from. But it does not stop. Sharply, I blow breath out of my nose, and go to stand up.
T knows she needs to move so she can get out of my way and looks up at me with confusion, her eyebrows asking, Where are you going?
I look down and whisper (as loudly as I can so its still quiet), “TALKING POLICE”.
Last Tuesday night, T and I went to cheer on our brilliant friend Micha at a speaking competition. He’d already gone on first — he SMASHED it! — and now we’re watching the other nine speakers. Except…
…someone at the back of the room keeps TALKING.
LOUDLY.
And it is MAKING ME RAGEFUL.
I have always hated people talking at shows. Back in my music industry days, I would go to 2-4 shows a night and get SO MAD at the other music industry people who stood down the back of the small venues we were in, loudly chatting to each other. Any talking at shows makes me furious — it’s SO disrespectful to those on stage, almost telling them directly that what they’re doing is stupid and pointless and you don’t care about it. But when it’s done by people who’ve been given free tickets to the show — OOH the entitlement makes me mad. The only issue?
I’m also a rampant people-pleaser who doesn’t want anyone to hate me. So I came up with a solution:
The Charm Offensive Shush.
This is the method I use to shush people at shows. I actually encourage the audience at my live shows to do it to each other (which works! Almost no one at my shows talks when the storytellers are on stage!). Here’s how to do the Charm Offensive Shush:
- You turn around and look the person deep in the eyes
- You loudly “SHHHHHHH!” them
- Give them a FULL HEADLIGHTS, MEGAWATT smile
- Turn away
It almost always works, because the person you’re shushing has the shock of being told off but then, when they go to knee-jerkly hate you*, you disarm them by just BEAMING love at them through your face.
So, back to the speaking competition. T smiles and gets out of my way. The speaker on stage is still talking so, as subtly as I can, I walk to the other side of the back of the room, and try and figure out where the talking is coming from.
I realise it’s to my left. Where the bar is. It’s the bar staff. Oh no.
One of the things I always liked about working in a pub is how the customer is not *always* right, and how you’re more in charge than they are. So now, I’m worried that me (customer), telling them (bar staff) how to be in their venue will be received even worse than a classic shushing.
I stand there, listening to this guy’s BOOMING voice BOOM across the room and hoping that the speaker on stage — a novice, as many of them are in this competition — isn’t having their confidence dinted by the very obvious talking. I decide to chance my first one.
Look.
Lock eyes.
“SSSSSHHHHHHH” (I add a finger to my lips, to be crystal clear)
*Beam*
It works. For about 30 seconds. Then they start again. OMG THIS PERSON’S VOICE IS SO LOUD OH MY GODDDDDDD.
The speaker finishes and everyone claps. In the one minute break before the next speaker, something suddenly occurs to me:
I could just tell him.
And it doesn’t have to be negative.
I look over and beckon him. At first, the other server — the one Mr Boomy has been talking to — comes over, and I have to shake my head and point at my target.
He comes over, looking confused and a little annoyed.
I smile and say, “Your voice is really powerful.”
In a fraction of a second, his whole demeanour changes. His face lights up with a huge smile. He looks moved.
I smile back and say, “Because of that, your voice really carries. Even though you might feel like you’re speaking quietly, the whole room can hear you!”
I beam again and then we’re clapping the next speaker. I stay, standing by the bar for the rest of that talk. But the chatting seems to be over. And, unlike most shushings, I don’t have that people-pleasing tenderness in my chest that comes when I think someone’s mad at me.
Eventually, I walk back to T, pulling a face like I think that worked?
She lets me back in, I sit down, and enjoy the end of the show.
You can try this in your presentations.
If you’re delivering a presentation where you’re telling someone something they might kick back against — whether it’s policy they need to follow, or a life lesson they’re resistant to accepting — see if you can do it in a way that lifts them up instead of squashes them down.
Think about what you could be saving them from, some future pain that they could relate to. For example, if they don’t follow policy, and could end up spending weeks of admin dealing with a problem that showed up. Or is there something wonderful they could be achieving if only they listened to you?
BEFORE you teach them or tell them, outline this scenario. Tell them, “hey, you know how to sucks when XYZ happens? Imagine if you could avoid it.”
Or “You know how you wish ABC was happening? I can help show you how to get there”.
Then — and ONLY then — do you introduce your idea as the solution.
Sweeten the deal. Find a way to make receving the message appealing to them. Not only will they be MUCH more likely to actually listen — you’ll also feel much more peace.
And next time someone’s talking at a show, try the Charm Offensive Shush.
Ok, but where do you stand on shushing people at shows? Do you do it? Or do you think this is all a bit uptight because you’re a chatter? Let me know in the comments below!
You rule!
xx (Yes Yes) Marsha
*as I think we all do to those who’ve told us off? Or at least, all do after some of us first have an initial “fawn” response of sorry sorry sorry and sorry about these twenty other things I might have done too!!! <hollow lol>
PS if you have a keynote or presentation you want to write or improve — or you work somewhere that you’d like me to come and run a workshop — let’s chat. Here:
PPS want my free guide to the magic bullet for captivating storytelling, along with free coaching via email on storytelling and writing captivating presentations? Join the Yes Yes Family — it’s FREE! Just pop your details in below and I’ll ship the guide over*:
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