How to build a mailing list; how to approach guys in bars; how to banish your ‘you suck’ voices – Yes Yes Questions 3 review!
It was a nice mix of shy and very brave in our third Yes Yes Questions – my monthly Live Advice Column. People mostly asked their questions on the chat (with me reading them out), but they asked some goooood ones.
Before I present the questions, I’m doing it again, Monday, April 6th @ 2pm ET. Want to get a reminder – plus all the secret links and resources I promised after this call?
Here is a list of most of the questions, with a short form of the answer I gave on the recording.
Let’s mix up the order, and start with the juiciest:
How would a couple of women approach dudes in a bar in a coldish city (like Toronto) without seeming too desperate, too intimidating, or too contrived? She’s admittedly not that open with strangers, but is hoping to change that. I’m good with strangers, but the approach is always so difficult!
Short form of answer: The trick here is to cultivate a situation where it’s less ‘hi, are we allowed to hang with you?’ and more ‘we are having fun and making mischief. You can join us if you like (and you’ll clearly be missing out if you don’t).’
And don’t just make this pretend. If you can get to the point where the two of you are having so much fun that, honestly, if you aren’t joined by whichever dudes have caught you’re eye, you still have a blast, then it’s win-win. Plus we all know that the ‘I don’t need you over here to have fun’ attitude is always very appealing.
Then I gave a PS on dating wisdom from my smart friend Paul…
How to be charming and the dark side of being charming (Yes Yes Questions #2 review!)
Two weeks ago – in the midst of moving apartment – I ran another of my live advice columns, which we’re calling YES YES QUESTIONS. For the first one, we’d had about 30 people on the call. This time, it was four – which, honest to goodness, I liked just as much, because it felt more like INTIMATE PARTY (that you can now eavesdrop on!) and we kicked it off with a very personal, really interesting question.
Below, I’ve listed the questions asked, and written a short form version of the answer I gave.
First though – I’m doing it again! Monday, April 6th @ 2pm ET. Want to come along?
Here are the questions people asked and short form answers:
(1) Danielle LaPorte says, ‘Heart open; big effing fence.’ But I think my fences are too big. People tell me I’m impossible to get to know and come across as being aloof, especially in short-term interactions. Any advice?
(Short Form Of Answer: Question where the aloofness comes from. Is it a defense mechanism, ‘If I hate you first, then it doesn’t matter if you judge me, because I already hate you’? That’s ok, just acknowledge. More on that HERE: yesyesmarsha.com/newpeople and here: yesyesmarsha.com/badmorning
Also, FAKE YOUR OWN SELF-CONFIDENCE in these situations. It will make you confident. It’s served me well for years.
Also, start with one small talk question before you get more interesting.
Also, being charming has a dark side, in the recording, I let you in on what that is.)
(2) If I don’t have a Big Brand Story, do I even need to use storytelling?
(SFOA: YES. And also, while a Big Brand Story might get you press, it might get you podcast interviews – it’s not what gets you clients. What gets you clients, is a small, small story that people can relate to. I give examples in the recording.)
(3) For as long as I can remember, I knew…
The simple trick that saves you hours of time and gives you 10X the impact in your business, career or passion
If you have a business, a career, a passion that you want to turn into a business or career, then there’s one super-simple thing you’re likely forgetting to do, that means you’re wasting your time and effort.
It’s something that needs to happen before you do ANYTHING. For example, you need to do it before you:
Write a blog post (I did it before I wrote this one!!)
Write a bio
Go to a Networking event
Write literally anything on your website
Interview someone
Be interviewed by someone
TELL A STORY
Name your Instagram account
Do a talk
Decide to start a podcast
Write a newsletter
Post on your Facebook page
Do a Facebook live
Make literally any decision about your business
I see people ALL THE TIME not doing this, which means the thing they did – that blog post, that talk, that About page on their site – was a huge waste o time.
Here’s the thing you need to do first
Ask yourself, “What…
How to say no, How to stay focused, How to love somewhere you hate living – Yes Yes Questions #1 REVIEW!
GUESS WHAT???!?!??!?!?! You know that thing I did? Where I had a secret wish that seemed silly, had little to do with my job and is only for already super-famous people (or paid journalists)… but I thought I’d try it out anyway? IT WORKED!! If you missed the whole story, the Cliff notes are: –…
I had a weird idea & now you get free one-on-one coaching and/or life advice from me
I used to feel bad about this. Like, kind of guilty. Because of my work, my interests, and the kinds of conferences I go to, I’m in a lot of spaces where people ask, “What’s the burning thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never been brave enough to?” And I always used to worry…
If you feel like you want to disappear, this is for you.
When I first read it, I didn’t even cry. I just pursed my lips and sharply breathed in. Then I took the tiny piece of paper that was attached to the tea bag string – and slid it into my pocket. I always used to be angry at people who’d committed suicide. Furious, actually.…
That Time I Cried On Stage (and how I dealt).
The first few times I practised the story, I totally fell apart. Alone in my apartment, I couldn’t speak for sobbing. A few months ago, I took a course with my storytelling teacher, Sage Tyrtle. Our final class was a live show, where we would each tell the story we’d been working on. Except… I…
This is usually my favourite thing to do, but one woman RUINED IT.
“Cabin crew seats for take-off, please,” said the tinny voice overhead.
I looked around, wide-eyed. I made my hand into a fist, then pumped it down.
“Yesssssssss,” I hissed, half-under my breath. This was a SCORE.
I leaned over to the other seats in my row – both empty – and grabbed their plastic-wrapped blankets. I tore them open, then lay them on top of the one that was already on my knees.
This happens to me EVERY TIME I’m at a new event. And it’s so painful.
One Sunday morning at 8.25 in the morning, I sat at the back of an auditorium in Philadelphia, cursing myself. And then cursing everybody else: the woman I had just spoken to; my friend Laurie, who’d organised my ticket; and each person sat in front, behind, or to the side of me. Up until this…
The one time I don’t agree with Brene Brown
Sat in an empty, trendy conference room with Andrew, I’d been expecting nervousness. But, even though we’d just met, I was having a BLAST.
He was interviewing me for the LUSH (yep, the soap company) podcast. And – as you’ll hear if you listen, he quoted Brene Brown as saying,
“Stories are data with soul”
I laughed like a drain when he said it – I love this quote. But, as I talked my way through my response, I realised that actually,
Stories are…
