The Reason Why It Doesn’t Matter What You Look Like

You totally know the kind of guy I’m talking about.

Girls do this too, but my most recent experience of being on the receiving end of it was with a dude.

My Irish friend Jonathan is a singer. Tall, with masses of brown hair and a deep voice, he’s effortlessly charming and impossibly handsome.

His non-Irish bassist, Adam, is… less so.

Whilst he is lovely in his own way, you wouldn’t call him a classic hottie. 

He’s short, hairy, stocky and looks a little bit like an owl. 

I would like to re-iterate that ALL of these are appealing qualities to some (I have a weakness for short and fuzzy; I’ve got many friends who love the stock).

I just mention it because of the surprise that, out of the two men, it’s Adam who is the lothario.

When they tour together, he leaves a trail of broken hearts and longing ladies.

I felt the brunt of it

They came to stay with me a couple of years ago whilst on tour. When I found out about Adam’s reputation, I was confused.

Yes, he’s a nice dude.

But surely, stood next to Jonathan – lead singer, knee-weakening voice, movie-star looks, between-song banter that makes you want to propose on the spot – any powers Adam might have would be diminished?

Then one evening, just after we had dinner, he turned it on me.

And by ‘it’, I mean that 1000 watt, lighthouse beacon-level charm that anyone – ANYONE – would be incapable of resisting.

You know the type I mean. It’s not even that the person is being particularly flirty or suggestive.

But when they look at you and smile, right into your eyes…

    ..it hits you, like getting off the plane in a hot country.

It only lasted a minute or two, but I finally understood what all those other girls had before me.

Conjugating it

Jonathan and I now refer to this phenomenon as “Adaming”  

“The server in that coffee shop totally Adamed me” 

“She seems quite bookish, but she’s an expert Adamer”

“I know he’s a ridiculous person to have gone out with, but I was quite insecure at the time and he just kept Adaming me”

Last week, I found myself Adaming.

WAIT! It’s not what you think!

My own beacon style

I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, interviewing comedians for a book I have coming out on Bloomsbury Publishing next year, called Off The Mic (find out more here).

When I interview, I have a handheld recorder, and headphones.
The headphones help me keep track of the levels on the microphone, but they serve another purpose:
The interviewee’s voice is louder in my ears that normal speech would be.

Because of this, it’s almost impossible for me not to be TOTALLY focused on that person.

Because we’re talking about something they’re passionate about, we’re both smiling.

I realised, that this is why my interviewees tend to respond so well:

I’m looking right into their eyes, listening intently to everything they say and smiling.

I’m totally Adaming them.

Why I’m telling you 

This is a very easy way to be charming and to make an impression on people, without doing very much.

Today, we live in a world where we’re constantly distracted by everything – ads on the walls, the thought of an email that’s coming in soon, people walking past, that old fashioned ringtone that we all have.

It’s very rare that a new person you meet gives you their full attention.

And when they do, it’s intoxicating.

You can Adam people when you’re networking.

What Adaming involves

As you’ve seen, there’s no actual flirty words involved. You just have to

• give them your undivided attention
• get them talking about something they’re passionate about (see here for how to do that)
• smile
• look right into their eyes

This makes people feel great, and like they’re the centre of the universe.

Their human response is to reciprocate – to feel great about you, too.

NB the eye thing is a big part.

Staring into someone’s eyes releases the hormone called phenylethylamine (PEA), a natural endorphine that makes people feel happy and drawn to you.

(Tweet that here!)

It’s your turn!

Next time you meet someone new, try it out.

Look right into their eyes, listen intently to them and smile.

See what effect it has on them.

DON’T think of it as fakery – rather, it’s altruism.
You’re making them feel lovely, which is a lovely thing for you to do.

Over To You

Have you ever been Adamed by someone?
Have you ever tried Adaming someone, intentionally or not?

Let me know in the comments below, or by clicking here!

Thanks for reading,

If you know anyone else who’d be into this (maybe an Adam, or someone who could do with an Adaming lesson) click on one of the round buttons below to share this.

You rule!

xx (Yes Yes Marsha)

PS want to know my best-ever client secret – and get even more advice, tips, plus stories that I won’t put on the internet? Come and join the Yes Yes Family – it’s free! Just pop your details in below:

Photo credits: Dave Wilson Cumbria, nutmeg66, Javier Medina M., tonx, Tomi Tapio, all via Compfight cc

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