How to Stop Acting Like a Total Weirdo Around People You Want to Impress (VIDEO)

A couple of months ago, I got to meet one of my heroes. Someone I think is AMAZING. The first bit of the encounter – when there were lots of others around – went alright.

Then I tried to talk to her one-on-one. Before I knew what was happening, I was acting like – well, basically, the opposite of how I wanted to come across. Lots of spitting. Laughing too hard. Almost as if I was trying to make her dislike me.

Sadly, it’s a way of behaving that I know all too well. Happily – I’ve learned to give this condition a name – and some steps to get rid of it. Is this something you’ve experienced? If so, in today’s video, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to: your DORK GOBLIN.

Acting like a weirdo around someone you think is fantastic? Don’t worry – that’s just your DORK GOBLIN 

Click here to tweet that!

I cannot WAIT to hear all about your Dork Goblin! Please tell me all about him or her in the comments below.

To help you fully flesh him or her out, here, as promised, is your: DORK GOBLIN WORKSHEET

(just click on those words to download it!)

Thanks so much for watching! If you have a friend who you KNOW has a Dork Goblin of their own, please share this video with them. You can use one of those little round buttons below.

Thanks!

You rule, xx

(Yes Yes) Marsha

PS, this week I told the Yes Yes Marsha Mailer Family about the other, more embarrassing times when my Dork Goblin comes out to play. Would you like FREE weekly coaching – plus secrets and stories like this that I won’t put on the internet?

Sign up here – it’s free!

 

Credits:

Dork Goblin concept introduced to me by Erin Rodgers and Nyree Macpherson of 42 Plus One (via Anna):
http://42plusone.ca

Intro/outro music: ‘George Square’, by the amazing David Berkeley:
http://www.davidberkeley.com.

Terrified crowd: The wonderful audience from http://TrueStoriesToronto.com

Crowd filmed by: Danielle Lemieux

64 Comments

  • Janine

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    LOVE this, Marsha! My dork goblin can’t stop laughing, even when it makes no sense to laugh (because at the time, it seems like a better alternative than opening her mouth and saying something stupid). She’s annoying, accidentally obnoxious, and says “like” and “um” way too much. 😉

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      Oh god ME TOO. But my laughs sound like Cccccynthia’s. Weep.

      Thanks, Janine!

  • Love this! I have at least two dork goblins.

    One is “The Silent Type.” Notice I didn’t include the word “strong” there :). She goes completely mute. No thoughts remain in her head. No words come out of her mouth. Or . . . totally stupid words come out of her mouth. This dork goblin likes to appear during job interviews, performance evaluations, times when I talk to people I think are hot or cool. You know. Important times :). She sits hunched over, feeling like a moron. She dressed kinda drab and plain, too.

    The other is “Rocker Chick.” Rocker chick is smutty. She swears like a sailor. She makes smutty comments that she thinks are funny. And, oh, does she dress the part. Black leather. Leather and stud wrist bands. Motorcycle, even. And the shoes kick ass :). Rocker chick appears randomly in general conversations when I feel uncomfortable or have nothing to say (or so I think . . . but not in job interviews . . . although that might be fun). She’s hard to predict.

  • Farideh Ceaser

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    um. 1 you’re brilliant. 2. I actually have two goblins.

    1. Is the “Shadow Creature”. She doesn’t talk to anyone and she slips into the corners, magically manifests a book to read or talks to herself in the bathroom because she is soooo terrified of people. The shadow creature doesn’t even approach the awesome person…she runs away.

    BUT IF I’m LUCKY I get a FABULOUS GOBLIN

    2. The Fabulous Goblin….lets call her Sheila…because sheila is a fabulous name.
    Sometimes Sheila ….who is the MOST charming and hilarious person that I BARELY know lives inside of me. Faced in a scary situation she comes out and is an absolute hit. I’m totally possessed and have no way to turn her own but I thank the gods that she has descended upon me. Except after I am totally horrified I was so “out there and wild”

    DOrk GOBLINS IS THE COOLEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      Farideh! I LOVE SHEILA!!! I can’t believe you have a benign Dork Goblin! Never be horrified of her, she’s a gift!
      Thanks so much for posting, LOVED reading these two.

  • Jocelyn Graef

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    I’ve discovered, being of a very old age, that Dork Goblins have a rather short life span. First, they start shrinking and withering like old lettuce. Then they’re just gone. This should be very good news to those of you who are yet in your thirties. 🙂

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      Jocelyn! I can’t TELL you how reassuring this is! I feel we should get t shirts printed and wear them around the young (and people my age).

      Thank you!!

  • Tina

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    Hilarious! I turn into a quite, shy person at new networking events. I have been called a quite mouse. This is weird because after I get comfortable, I am very outgoing. I feel like I am better now, because I channel Martha Stewart. I pretend I am the hostess and trick myself into thinking it is my responsibility to initiate the conversation and make others feel welcomed. I have tried to make my personality more level whether you meet me for the first time or the 10th.

    Thanks for the great video! I am glad I am not the only Dork Goblin.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      Tina, i LOVE the ideas of you channelling Martha Stewart!! That made me laugh so much!

  • Silvia

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    I would watch your video even if I never went to a networking event ever again because they’re so create, true and so entertaining. I think they have value in and of themselves….says my goblin to you Marsha!

  • Rebecca

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    You are hilarious AND insightful! Such a lovely combo!

    My DG speaksreallyfastinaslightlyhighpitchedvoiceandonlystopstobreathewhensheisabouttopassout. Well, maybe she’s not so bad anymore. She’s quite good at reading the strange looks on people’s faces and can take a pause then. 🙂

  • Amy

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    You make me laugh SO HARD! Love this!!

    My dork goblin wears pyjamas (awful pyjamas), stays in, orders dinner, and doesn’t show up for events I’ve paid for.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      Amy, both “(awful pyjamas)” and “doesn’t show up for events I’ve paid for” made me HOWL. Thanks!!

  • Sarah Jordan

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    Marsha, this was my favorite video of yours. That is saying quite a lot! You are so funny. Thanks for the great advice.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      Sarah, wow! Thanks so much!
      (I think it was the spitting that did it…)

      🙂

  • Kendrick Shope

    Reply Reply May 8, 2014

    Ok so my dork goblin goes completely MUTE! If you know me, you know that I don’t do mute! An example is every time I meet Joe McIntyre from NKOTB my hubby has to talk for me because I can’t speak. TOTAL WEIRDO! It’s a funny joke now because I’ve met him 8 times and every time Blake has to speak for me!!! BTW the “Ross Hands” was my fave of this video. Keep doing what you’re doing.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 8, 2014

      I’m so happy you noticed Ross Hands!!

      And i LOVE hearing about your Dork Goblin! I think people we revered as youngsters bring out the MOST Dorky of all Goblins. i LOVE the image of you being mute while the husb does all the talking!!

  • Awesome video, Marsha!! My Dork Goblin for some odd reason is completely enamored with the weather. She’ll talk about the weather today, tomorrow, or even next week. And, if she can’t talk about the weather, she’ll stand silently trying to think of other things she loves!

    Perhaps, I need to brainstorm a list of things/topics I can speak about when I’m in those types of situations?!

  • Ah, the dork goblin! Mine alternates between being uncomfortably quiet while looking around at the decor and talking just a little too loudly and running over the end of people’s sentences…and oddly, she can’t quite figure out the right time to breathe in between sentences, so she talks until she gets out of breath and then takes weird, huge breaths in the middle of the sentence.

    Why? You’d have to ask her…and then stand around while she talks for five minutes straight and breathes strangely.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 10, 2014

      LOVE the strange breathing. And I’ve TOTALLY done the talking over the end of sentences (though I’m afraid I might do that some of the rest of the time too…)

      Thanks, Rachel!

  • Pam

    Reply Reply May 9, 2014

    Marsha, that was your funniest video yet! Thank you so much for the advice and visuals that are oh so memorable 🙂

  • Olivia Rafferty

    Reply Reply May 9, 2014

    Oh Marsha! I was looking forward to this one and seeing Cynthia(or Sccchynthia!)’s proper manifestation! My Dork Goblin is a bit wide-eyed and woo-woo — she will hastily try to fill up awkward gaps in conversation by talking about herself a lot (eek!) and then, if I *really* like someone, she’ll get over-share-y and honest by talking about FATE and DESTINY and will probably scare them off by alluding that she’s probably their long-lost soul mate.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 10, 2014

      OMG Olivia I HAVE TOTALLY DONE THIS. I remember once telling someone that I thought it was fate that we should be friends, then listed all these reasons. He couldn’t get off the phone quick enough and I realised then that he thought I was trying to marry him.

      Such a funny image, thank you!

  • Sarah Ramsden

    Reply Reply May 10, 2014

    OMG my dork goblin is the 5 year old me who was painfully quiet and never spoke until spoken to. Damn English upbringing!!

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 10, 2014

      Sarah, I think I sometimes pull out THE SAME DORK GOBLIN! Damn English upbringing!!

  • Amantha Tsaros

    Reply Reply May 11, 2014

    OMG. I am dying here. Dying. So funny .

    My dork goblin craves laughter. The more she gets the more she needs. She talks nonstop telling as many funny stories as she can . If she gets interrupted she can go right back into the story even if five minutes have passed. She’s a demon. No topic is off limits. Sometimes if she’s feel really nervous she will relate the most shocking tales she can come up with.

    Even while rattling on she thinks of the next story. She in unstoppable and scary. It makes it hard to sleep at night after having been possessed. My Dork Goblin is like the evil child of Mae West and Grorge Carlin.

    Help me , Marsha.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 11, 2014

      Ha ha ha, Amantha, this made me laugh SO MUCH. I got especially finished by “the evil child of Mae West and George Carlin”.

      Also:

      (1) I have TOTALLY done the going back to stories 5 minutes later after being interrupted (DG or no…)

      (2) I think your DG and Leanne’s Dork Goblin need to hang out!! What a wild night THAT would be.

  • Laurie

    Reply Reply May 12, 2014

    Marsha,
    Love your videos – what a Monday morning laugh!

    My DG is a foreign language faker. Before moving back to Toronto last year, I spent many years living in different European countries and despite many attempts to learn another language, I have failed miserably. However, in the past, whenever I’m at a dinner party or out with my husband (who magically speaks 4 languages – arrgg!), I find myself smiling and nodding through countless conversations where I have no idea what the other person in saying. I never seem to find the courage to say “excuse me but I don’t speak ______”, instead I watch others for their reactions to the conversation and laugh (a bit too energetically) and nod away like I’m the speaker’s best friend agreeing with everything they have to say.

    Most of the time, the other person can speak English and yet I continue to nod my head and smile while they drone on in another language and I pretend to hang on to their every word.

    Unbeknownst to me, I’ve likely agreed with some pretty ridiculous opinions on (education, politics, business, child rearing, you name it) during my foreign faker DG moments. Someone has probably predicted an ice age will form over Europe next year and I’ve smiled and nodded along like they couldn’t BE more right.

    Any suggestions for the foreign language faker?

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 20, 2014

      OMG, Laurie – i LOVED your DG! ANd I want to find you an answer. My mum is an interpreter, so I’m going to ask her and get back to you!

    • Natasha

      Reply Reply May 20, 2014

      Hey, Laurie, maybe your DG is on to something…. Imagine if she acted just the opposite: every time someone got into telling a story, she’d go “Er… Excuse me! Would you mind saying it in English please?” She’d soon have people whispering “Oh it’s that monolingual Canadian again….” This way, I bet they think you’re very cool and clever with your mysterious smile….
      And on the way home, they’re probably saying “Yes, the husband speaks quite good Chinese/Navajo/French/Klingon, though he does make mistakes now and then…. But that Laurie? She’s a real linguist, gets everything people are saying and never puts a foot wrong…..”

      • Laurie

        Reply Reply May 20, 2014

        Natasha – hilarious! I will try that – much more fun to be an international woman of mystery than a girl with a DG on her shoulder….

  • Jackie

    Reply Reply May 16, 2014

    Marsha you crack me up!! So funny!
    My dork goblin is an illiterate speaker and scratcher!! It’s like all of a sudden I have to find something to do with my hands and I just start scratching my chin then my nose then my forehead then my arm then the corner if my eye, my knee my elbow.., uuurgh!!. It must look ridiculous! AND I always reverse my words or swap letters like, ‘it was meet you, great!’ Or ‘ ‘fanks thery much’ … Yep she’s super classy!

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 20, 2014

      Jackie!! A SCRATCHER!!!

      And the swapping letters make me laugh SO MUCH! I’m want to start saying, “It was meet you, great!” Thanks SO much for making me laugh so hard!!

  • tovagold

    Reply Reply May 21, 2014

    my dork goblin says “cool” a LOT. Then shakes her head with nothing more compelling to add. yeah…. I think my dork goblin is an awkward 14 year old boy. In two years he’s gonna pierce something and hide his awkwardness in a semi-goth leather jacket.
    Right now he just needs to cut his shaggy greasy hair that falls in his eyes.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 21, 2014

      Tova!! LOVE the idea that our DGs might mature with us! That made me laugh so much, thank you!

  • Coco

    Reply Reply May 22, 2014

    Good one! I have two dork goblins that I know of.

    The first is like Leanne and Farideh – The Mute Silent Shadow Creature. Not always in the shadows but most definitely mute and silent, unable to utter more than a few syllables, and only when spoken to directly. This one I’ve been getting better at banishing, thanks in part to you.

    The second, let’s call her the Delightful Dick. She laughs a lot but what sets her apart is the combination of my normal temperament (upbeat, genuine, delightful) combined with stupid phrasing that is just ever so slightly, unintentionally condescending/dickish. It’s said in a very delightful way, as though what’s coming out of my mouth is quite helpful and nice. There is no malice involved at all, things that a simple rephrasing, or not mentioning at all, would have fixed. I can almost always tell when this has happened by the look on a person’s face. Unfortunately because I hadn’t meant to be nasty I’m left confused, the pieces only coming together later. On the plus side people don’t think I’m an ass however they don’t exactly want to talk to me anymore either.

    I am becoming more aware of the Delightful Dick and have started to be able to catch myself either right after, soon enough to make a correction, or as it’s coming out resulting in a bit of a stutter. However this entirely depends on the level of excitement the person has stoked in my heart.

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 22, 2014

      Colleen, I know DD doesn’t serve you, but I’m kind of tickled about how she’s sort of underhand and pulls the wool over your eyes. But I also love that you’re learning to catch her, and how – stutters are charming!

      So happy you’ve had success in banishing MSSC (though I hope to see you *play her sometime in a role….). Thanks!

  • Elsie

    Reply Reply May 29, 2014

    Marsha, I have a problem, my dork goblin has multiple personalities depending on how comfortable I feel with the person of interest. If they’re a little fun and geeky my 8 year old Cynthia comes out to play but if they’re quiet, calm and cool I try and out do them and my Dork Goblin resembles The Fonz, clicking fingers to open doors, not answering questions and just looking away with a wry smile. I think I need a manager! lol. Great video and the freckles should stay! Elsie xx

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply May 29, 2014

      HOLY CROW, ELSIE. The Fonz DG made me WHEEZE with laughter. Thanks so much for that!!

      (and the nice words)

  • Ritu

    Reply Reply July 14, 2014

    Hahhahah this is AMAZING! Thanks for the gem Marsha!

  • Jen Kiaba

    Reply Reply July 15, 2014

    This!! Oh my goodness you had me cracking up. Identifying this phenomenon as a “dork goblin” makes it somehow so much less intimidating! My dork goblin loses her train of thought because she’s so excited and then gets flustered and repeats herself a lot. Or just flat out won’t know what to say and then inevitably says something super embarrassing and stupid. Glad to know I can “take it from here” for her now 🙂

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply July 15, 2014

      Jen! I think I have a sub-Dork Goblin who’s the same as yours! Gets halfway through making a point, with then NO IDEA what the point was.

      Thank you, and glad it’s helped!

  • Pam Hirsch

    Reply Reply July 17, 2014

    Marsha! I love your voice and video! My dork goblin is Silent Betty Betty. Betty Betty has big blue eyes and barely speaks. Lots of thoughts going on that don’t seem to get verbalized. And then the moment passes and Betty Betty manages to squeak out something inane like “I had a dog once.” Huh? I can just see Betty Betty slinking off when I tell her “Thank you, Betts, but… I’ve got this.” 🙂

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply July 17, 2014

      Zomfg, PAM! I LOVED meeting Betty Betty. Number 1: her double name is hilarious; 2: I totally feel you on the multiple thoughts that don’t get verbalised; 3: “I had a dog once” – need I say more.
      Hope this helps keep her somewhat at bay! Thanks so much for sharing her!

  • Denise

    Reply Reply August 25, 2014

    Hi Marsha, let me introduce you to Monica, my dork goblin. She’s an annoying 12-year-old girl. She’s an eager beaver, who talks too fast and the decibel level goes through the roof. Her heart starts to pound, and arms start to flail. “Down girl, down!”

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply September 24, 2014

      Ha ha, Denise, I think Monica and Cccccynthia would have a LOT of too-loud fun together!
      Thanks so much for sharing her with us 🙂

  • rebekah

    Reply Reply September 8, 2014

    Love this! My dork goblin stumbles and stutters over her words and then completely stalls my brain, then starts circling, saying the same thing 10 different ways. My dork goblin sits on the back of my neck because I get super hot and tense! I hate public speaking for all the same reasons. 🙂

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply September 8, 2014

      Rebekah, oh my – I love that you even know where she SITS!
      And I totally hear you on the circling – I’m pretty sure Ccccccynthia does that on a regular basis 🙂

  • Rachel

    Reply Reply January 15, 2015

    I have at least two – the 42 year old balding merrchant banker who’s a pompous know-it all with an inferiority complex and is either completely silent or never shuts up, and the over caffeinated, up too late 12 year old who can’t stop giggling and making inappropriate jokes. Should I be worried that both are potentially male??

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply January 15, 2015

      RACHEL!! The balding merchant made me laugh SO MUCH! I have totally been possessed by him too!!!

      And don’t worry that your DG’s are boys; a DG really can take any form.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, and making my morning quite a lot funnier!

  • Krystal

    Reply Reply June 29, 2015

    Hi,
    I’m 15 years old and I just cant seem to “TALK!”
    I am in a bowling league for this summer and I want to make friends there, and have fun but I’m just too shy… How can I get over this and talk to people, especially this certain boy? 😉

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha Shandur

      Reply Reply June 30, 2015

      Hi Krystal,

      I’m so sorry you’ve been having trouble with this. I know how hard this can be!
      If I may, I’d love to point you to this blog, which shows you EXACTLY what I did to go from being really shy to being really chatty: yesyesmarsha.com/confidence. Hope that’s helpful.

      The main thing is to make your body language open (ie not staring at the ground with your arms crossed in front of you) and smile at people to show you’re ready to talk. Also, you could think of some questions to ask to start conversation, on anything you have in common with other people there. Eg “What did you think of X?” or “Did you see Y last night?”

      Good luck! x

  • Robin

    Reply Reply September 7, 2016

    Love this!
    I SO have a dork goblin who says the opposite of what I mean to say… Like ‘do you want a drink of water?’ I say no even though I’m thirsty. Or do you like onions on that? ‘Yes pls lots!’ Just before I go in for an interview…
    I’m now on a mission to get to know her and make her shut up!

    • Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Marsha (Yes Yes Marsha)

      Reply Reply September 7, 2016

      Robin, this is AMAZING. And a first.

      I’d give her loving encouragement to stop, as a way to make her shut up!

  • Marsha, I remember when you first published this video. I’ve been meaning to do a video addressing this concept for women who get nervous around men they find attractive for sometime now. (I loved your video soooo much! My dork goblin is a highly competitive emasculating bitch)

    Well I finally did it. I created a short video to help women address their dork goblin in dating: http://jennburton.com/2016/11/i-get-nervous-around-him/. (I also referenced your video too.)

    Thanks for amazing content Marsha. XO

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